San Francisco Zoo will send your ex a stuffed scorpion or hissing cockroach for Valentine's Day.
"These invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or 'caves,' " the zoo says on its promotion page for the desert scorpion. "Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey ... Charming."
https://sfzoo.worldsecuresystems.com...rpion-vday.htm
Good Luck Bros