Quote:
Originally Posted by Matyko
now THIS is a phucking awesome joke imo 
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There isn't enough emoticons to let you know how much I was laughing at that!
a few ones I found just now..
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. ?In English,? he said, ?a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. ? But there isn?t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.? A voice from the back of the room piped up, ?Yeah, right.?
What?s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?? An etymologist knows the difference.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? ? Ask them to pronounce ?unionized.?
It?s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? because they always take things literally.
Who is this Rorschach guy? ? and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
Doesn't really fit the top jokes but it's still genius and funny.
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"