This is really hard for me to put up on an adult forum, but in many ways this is my "office" and you folks are my "co-workers".
Last Sunday my mother passed and my brother would like to bury her, as it was her last wishes made just the day before she went.
She had beat cancer once and then one day she had a lump in her throat. She was unable to get treatment soon enough and started to lose weight. By the time she made it to see her doctor she was too small to do biopsy. We admitted her into a nursing home so she could get the nutrition she needed to gain weight so they could do the biopsy and see if the cancer had returned. She was going into her 4th week at the home.
At this point she was considered a hospice patient because they could not give her any more tests or feeding tubes etc. due to her rapidly decreasing weight and size. The week before her death she lost 1 cm around her arms. We knew this was the beginning to an end. We met with the funeral director Saturday, she was awake and coherent, able to answer some of his questions and we even shared a laugh or two. Up until this point we spoke about cremation and the spreading of her ashes. However she had stated to the funeral director and my brother, that she wanted to be buried with her mother. The next day, Sunday, we got a call that she went from that state to a motionless unresponsive state.
All friends and family that was not a flight away was by her bedside for several hours as she lay their breathing, barely. Unable to speak, though she tried, and we all tried to make out her words with no luck. After several hours she seemed to be in a constant state so we slowly dispersed to go home and feed our kids and rest a bit before going back to see her. None of us knew that would be the last visit. Once all of us had left, we were no more than 3-5 minutes away and we got the call to come back.
She was gone.
My brothers and I all work, however we live from paycheck to paycheck. We have had some support though for the most part we have been left to take care of her on our own. We have been able to raise a bit of money, old friends and our own paychecks. I am just out of ideas and options. We were all declined for loans, as we have never really had credit or applied for any kind of credit.
I made a gofundme and shared it with my friends and family via facebook. Many have chosen to make small cash donations as they are not much into online transactions. These are the same family that asks me how I make money online. Like its some sort of mystery. Websites build themselves I suppose and nobody with a credit card and some sense would ever purchase online apparently.
I am reaching out. I hate asking complete strangers (to her) for help but I have ran out of resources. I have asked for help from my fathers (who had passed when I was 2) family and I am heartbroken to find out that some sort of animosity between them has made this into some kind of pissing match. My brothers don't even know their fathers family as my mother raised the 3 of us on her own.
The only reason I am asking here is because I know many others here have faced similar situations when laying a loved one to rest. I also know that many many people are either affected personally or through a family member, by the effects of cancer.
Additionally I am leaving the memorial fund open after we reach our goal. She said to the funeral director that any memorials left in her name be paid out to the American Cancer Society. This is what I plan to do with the gofundme. Every year at the time of her passing we will share her memorial to collect for cancer patients.
Thank you greatly. This is truly a confusing time for us all.
Please share or donate and thank you so kindly. Any amount is truly appreciated.
Julie "Jules" Cline Memorial by Arthur Crooks - GoFundMe