Oh, what the hell, Paul, why not? There's no money left in porn and I didn't feel like working this morning anyway. Why shouldn't I waste an hour breaking this down and explaining to DDF Cash exactly
WHY that affiliate email and Paul's butthurt responses here make DDF look shady and dangerous for affiliates to do business with?
Maybe it's all just a misunderstanding based on "English as a second language" and cultural differences across oceanic distances. Maybe the scales will fall from Paul's eyes, maybe he'll actually be grateful that somebody explained just how badly DDF is screwing up, hell, maybe DDF will send me a fat Christmas basket full of Dutch chocolate as an expression of their enormous gratitude. Sure, and maybe my dog will start shitting gold coins.
Quote:
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Wow....we got Terrorists ravaging our World and I wake up to this. Ridiculous. All it takes is for a webmaster to contact us, and you will have your answers once we get to your email.
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I send emails when I have a specific problem that demands a specific solution. When I got your email I didn't have "questions", I had a visceral reaction of "shit, there goes another program down the tubes." What's the point of emailing when that happens? The forums are a better place for this kind of discussion, because it helps other people too. I've never convinced a program to stop going down the tubes by emailing them. I have convinced a few to back-pedal on affiliate-hostile policies by posting on forums, though.
Now let's get down in the mud and go line by line from the perspective of a US affiliate. I know I'm being harsh here, but Paul, I'm doing this in a helpful spirit, even if the "tough love" is pretty tough. It's clear you don't get just how horribly bad and shady that email makes you look to English-speaking US affiliates. I really do hope this will help you understand.
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Dear Affiliates,
Moving forward, we need to request some documentation from all affiliates with the following information. This is to stay in accordance with current accounting regulations and is mandatory for us from December 1st 2015. We will need these documents on hand prior to December 2015. They must absolutely be accurate.
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In US English, "documents on hand" means paper documents, or at least electronic copies of paper documents. It doesn't mean information. The strong implication here is that you will be demanding copies of paperwork, such as identity documents or business papers. A paragraph like that pretty much promises the next paragraph will identify precisely which documents will satisfy the new requirements. But there's already a pit of dread developing in my stomach, because:
1) No affiliate program since 2002 has asked me for "documentation". This is the sort of demand one gets from banks and payment processors and people who are responsible for complying with "know your customer" anti-money-laundering rules. I am reluctant enough to give this stuff to an outfit like Paxum, I'm sure not giving it to random pornographers. You don't need it, and it's a security risk to give it to you.
2) There are no accounting laws in the US requiring "documentation" for this sort of business relationship, and if there were some in Europe, all the other European programs would be contacting me too. Which they aren't. So this is obviously some kind of bullshit. Unless you want us to think that DDF Cash is at the cutting edge of compliance with European accounting rules? That seems... unlikely.
3) You say you need "documents on hand" by December 15. You emailed me on November 13. Even if your demands were crystal clear and I had certified copies laying on my desk, there's no reliable way to get paper documents mailed across the Atlantic into your hands at that street address in the Netherlands in 32 days. If you don't believe me, just ask the ten thousand people on GFY who have been told by Paxum that six weeks was not too long to wait for a paper check or for their replacement debit card if they didn't pay $132 or whatever for international express shipping. Conclusion: Most likely, DDF Cash isn't
seriously trying to design a process that will work for its overseas affiliates.
OK, so what "documents on hand" does DDF Cash want? Next lines from the email:
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Your Billing Contact info
Company Name:
Company Address:
Company Country:
Email:
First name:
Last Name:
Website:
Best way to Contact you: For example - Email, Gtalk, ICQ, SKype
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Those aren't "documents", that's just information. And, hey, isn't every last bit of that information already in my Account Details in the DDFCash NATS? Yup,
EVERY DAMNED ITEM on that list is already in my account details.
So, WTF? I can only assume that the first paragraph wasn't bullshitting; DDF must want documents
verifying this stuff. But they don't say what documents.
If DDF just wanted affiliates to to "please check over your account details and make sure that the following information is complete and accurate" surely Paul would have said that, right?
Up until this point, though, I'm still thinking "affiliate manager who is not good with how things look and sound, maybe English is a second language, big cultural barriers between US and Europe, but they're good guys, I'm sure we can sort this out with an email or two. Or maybe I can just ignore this, since my info is all filled out already and they don't seem to have any particular documents in mind."
And then we get to the invoicing:
{I'm up against the GFY post character limit. Continued in the next post.}