Merry Christmas.
I have so many happy beautiful friends, I thought I'd get the ugly fuckers out of the way first. After careful consideration of your performance in 2015, I have decided to extend our friendship for another 12 months. A little Christmas message for you. Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives a thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you go, little buddy!
Today you should take a moment and send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows, or fuck farm animals. You hang in there cupcake, because you're fucking special to me, and you're my friend. Look at you smiling at your phone, you crayon eating mother fucker!