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Thanks for all the great replies guys. Quick update; the cardiac thing is a bit complicated, there's no way for me to answer why it happened without typing out a huge diatribe, but rest assured they have it now under control. I'm quite confident that this go-round will be a lot smoother.
Speaking of smooth, what finally cured the butt blockage was a dulcolax suppository. Every 3 days like clockwork now. :D
Thanks everyone. Seriously it means a lot.
Tuesday morning... here goes.... round 2...
Wait, did someone say I can has a gofundme link?
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