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I'll try to steer this back into a more positive direction with some constructive criticism.
The Good:
1. It's a full story. Boy meets girl, they like each other, and they fuck. You have a beginning, middle, and end.
2. It's current. Every day people meet on Tinder and fuck.
3. There is plenty of action.
4. Decent length for what it is. If this scene had dragged out for several more pages it would be too long. You kept it on topic and moved things along at a good pace.
The Bad:
1. Grammar, spelling etc. There are tons of errors all through the story. These can pull the reader out of the moment and distract them.
2. Lacking physical descriptions. Aside from his dick being giant, we don't really have any idea what these people look like. Even in a short story like this getting a physical description helps readers connect with the people they are reading about. You don't need to go into massive detail, just tell how tall they are, hair and eye color, body type and general descriptions.
3. Redundancy and "graphic" descriptions. You use the word pussy at least 12 times and cock at least 7 times (with a few random dicks thrown in as well). Try coming up with different words for these body parts it will help keep it fresh and engage the reader's imagination.
By graphic I mean it reads like a hardcore porn movie. There is nothing wrong with that if your target audience is people that want really graphic stuff. However, most readers of erotica are women and many women don't want something as graphic. They want something a little more subtle. You can still be erotic and even graphic to a point by describing things with a little more subtlety. Let me give you an example:
You have a sentence that says:
"He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled me out, turned me around with my ass in front of him, he spat in my pussy and then he put his in me."
Perhaps you could write it as:
"He was so turned on he couldn't hold back any longer. He took himself out of my mouth, spun me around, and pulled my ass into the air in front him. I was face down on the bed, filled with anticipation. I could hear him take a deep breath as he put one hand on my hip and used the other to guide himself as he slid into me with such confidence and power it took my breath away."
Mine is a little more wordy, but this is a big part of the story. This is the moment we have all been waiting for so it's okay to take an extra sentence or two to describe the scene.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Have fun writing and I hope I was of some help in some way.
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