Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott McD
I had them both at my house till 2am this morning. Dad had a drink which was fine and my wife and i did our best making sure mum had fun. (Food, fave music on tv etc). It was a fun night and needs to be done more often...
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Absolutely needs to be done more often and not trying to sound insensitive but it’s not enough Scott. What your father is doing is both mentally and physically demanding on him. Your father has not only lost his wife as he knew her, but he has lost every bit of freedom he may have had. He’s lost doing things he may have enjoyed, he’s lost hobbies he may have had, he’s lost everything that helped to keep him going. We often think how bad this disease is for the person who has it, but seldom think how bad it is for the person who cares for them. Your father is not doing 8 to 5 and then going home to sit down to relax like workers in a home do. He’s doing 24/7 every day of the year. Sure he loves her and would do anything for her, but he needs to do for himself too.
You sound like you have siblings in the area also. Let me suggest that each of you take your mother for a weekend out of the month and give your father a break. Surely 1 weekend is not too much for you and your siblings to help. And you shouldn’t ask to do this, you should demand it. The quality of your father’s life will improve. And the quality of his care for your mother will improve.
In the US we have something called Hospice. If you have something like that over there take full advantage of it. They help so much. In the US they also provide something called Respite care
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respite_care Respite care is for the caregiver. Something your father desperately needs.
Your father is doing a great thing for your mother. It’s so easy to put someone in a home where they are out of sight, out of mind and live your life as you have. It’s also so easy to visit for a few hours and then return home to live your life as you have. Take this OPPORTUNITY to help your mother live out her life as comfortable as she can. Then there will be no regrets. No wishing you could have done more when it’s too late.
I hope the best for your mother. I see it firsthand every day with my own mother. It’s a terrible disease that leaves its victims scared and alone. It isolates them from reality. As family, we try to assure them things are ok, and give them familiar faces and voice to reassure them it will be ok. I commend your father for what he is doing. But he can’t do it alone.
Best of luck and keep up the hope