I'll bite as an excuse to write shit I'm thinking about that no one need feel obligated to read
part of the stuff I've been doing for the past few months in my head involves the late future, should I be lucky enough to live long enough to get all decrepit.
doing so much thinking right now, always do that before a move so I know I'm finally ready after months of putting it off.
imagining a time to come, should I live that long, when I can no longer base my self worth on my latest on paper professional accomplishments
a time when rather have to find some actual inner sense of self to draw upon for the here and now. when all my great publicly noted 'glories' or whatever the fuck we call them are things I've already done.
my ego can't eat ghosts so it's kinda important personally that I figure this ish out.
having been surrounded by mostly old peeps for the past few months (my parents and aunts, all of whom are in their 70's) and comparing their lives at this stage to PM, the following is what I've learned:
1) you have nothing to learn from anyone younger and less experienced than you
2) you have nothing to learn from anyone different than you
3) your experience as one singular person at one singular point in time in one specific context/location is the extent of human experience. everything else is just irrelevant.
4) always put up a front (loudly) about being the best at everything, having the best advice about everything. not only does it help you win friends and influence people, people who are down to earth and real about it are really receptive to that approach. it also sets you apart from those peeps who absorb everything the world has to offer, who learn from others. they are suspiciously quiet those ones
5) never admit that you're wrong, that you made a mistake. nothing to learn there.
6) nurture an ego built on nothing but your own infallible, uncontested ideas
7) live in a world where curiosity is suppressed, where the aim is to find the easiest pat answer to tamper down a question
8) any time you feel out of control, that you might be experiencing something or someone new and aren't absolutely sure how to handle it or react, lash out with anger. protect yourself and turn away rather than explore, however tentatively, confident in your ability to handle what the unknown to you may bring. this is what brave men do.
this, young grasshopper, is the Markham path (the observable one at least, hope he's different when his isn't beaming for the audience)