HairyChick

I just read this and thought it was a joke. I kep reading and it's real. People all over the world eat strange things, from bugs and worms, dog and horse meat to deadly fish. Jews use "puhpicks" (puh sounds like the pu in pull) with rice, gravy and "helzel" which is stuffed. Puhpicks is slang for genitals and we use chicken cocks. Helzel is intestines of lambs. When invented, these spare animal parts were cooked with veggies and gravy. Either that or go hungry. But chicken penises are nothing compared to the size of bull penises. I know that because I saw a photo with story ONLY.

Bull Penis Chilaquiles, Get 'Em While They're Hot

It was almost like Chekhov's bull penis in its inevitability. I'd spotted the foam trays of "pizzle" in the offal section of Fei Long, my favorite pan-Asian market, and done the inevitable snickering and Tweeting, but I knew somewhere deep within that it was only a matter of time before I took the bull by the horns and figured out a way to stick it in the Instant Pot. Most penis-based recipes make no bones about the fact that it takes an awfully long time to cook down, but when you apply the right kind of pressure, it all comes together pretty quickly.

Chilaquiles? Why not. Because my gut is broken, I have to steer this recipe Paleo and use grain-free chips and egg tofu in lieu of cheese, but the flavorful tomatillo and kumquat salsa adds a bright burst of flavor that kept the Extra Crispy video crew coming back for more.

Bull Penis Chilaquiles (a.k.a. Penisquiles)

Ingredients

Bull penises, about 1 pound
8 medium tomatillos (about 1 1/2 pounds total weight), husked and rinsed
1 serrano or 2 jalapeño peppers, stemmed, seeded, and diced
1 cup kumquats, seeded, sliced into rounds
1/2 white onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
Cilantro, thyme, and oregano to taste
Salt to taste
2 eggs
1 cup chicken stock
Tortilla chips (I use Siete grain-free chips)
Egg tofu
Garlic chives

Directions

Cut open the penises lengthwise, remove and discard the urethra and trim any excess skin, rinse thoroughly.

Add the penises, salt, vegetables and fruit, and 1/4 cup water to the Instant Pot and pressure cook on high for 30 minutes. Perform a manual release and pour out excess liquid. Add cilantro, thyme, oregano and saute until the mixture is slightly thickened.

Beat two eggs, stir in to the penises and sauce. Add as many chips as you'd like along with chicken stock. Saute until the chips are softened.

Scoop the chips, vegetables, fruit, and penises, into a bowl. Top with sliced egg tofu and flowering chives.

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Anti-Semites have Small Penis Syndrome. The only known treatment is electroshock therapy combined with cerebellum removal. Fortunately, it’s a tiny procedure.
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