Originally Posted by Grapesoda

maybe, maybe not.... what the test did was allow me to be okay with my oddness... the test did not confirm anything but gave me another way evaluate my situations and circumstances. I am not a normal person and NEVER have been … in fact I reject much of my humanity.

I spend the majority of my time alone and at this time no longer have any close friends. I really don't mind at all... in fact I don't think these guys were really my friends in the first place... they just wanted access to my life and circumstances...

for instance I can run all my thoughts backward like a video and understand why I think the things I do. why I got the idea etc...and I can go pretty much all the way back to the earliest stuff...

I remember almost everything in a weird way and can pull information and facts from across over 50 years of thinking, seeing and listening to form opinions.

I can run my thoughts backward and change the emotions I felt at the time and go forward with a more optimistic future and I clean up all the shame from my past. I came across an picture of me at 12, stoned on heroin….

I had to go back though all my memories until I got to that kid and I rewrote 'his feelings of shame and hopelessness' to a more positive outlook, thus changing my present and future situations. it was difficult as hell, took almost 2 weeks prayer and mediation to make the change and the 'drama' of it all almost killed me.

my career has been 'systems' and understanding systems from production to computer networks to editing to lighting.... I have been lighting almost 40 years... does not plex me at all.

my thing now is god… I am really fucking smart, I am INTJ and I have been thinking about god since my first awareness of god 58 years ago. and for me to say I felt god and knew god at 5 years old is 'anti politically correct' were I to say I felt like a woman at 5, not a boy, that would be perfectly acceptable, right? and you guys would be cheering me on to cut my dick off... it's okay to surgically turn yourself into a freak with serious heath issue the rest of your life but to open your heart to god... fuck that.. fuck god... lol!!

here is how I choose to view the world. all good and positive opportunity come from god. all negativity resides in the heart of man. when you love someone.... that love is placed between you by god for you to share with another person..... what happens then? does your 'humanity' come forward with jealousy and insecurities and fears and selfness, doubt and lack of trust.... were you both to place your trust in god and love and honor each other might not the results be different? and you know what? I don't give one fuck what you think about what 'I KNOW TO BE TRUE WITH OUT A DOUBT' and that my friend is PURE INTJ to the fucking MAX. lol!!

so did being an INTJ make this all possible... what the test did was allow me to accept some stuff about me that no one else will accept about me, and understand stuff that no one else understands... and that's a good thing.

and you and your test? and you are still hooked like a fish on the 'SALES machine' that doesn't work because phycology is bullshit lol!!