kane

My views of authority were mostly based on how my mom did things. She was pretty strict and she did not allow me or my brother to get into any real trouble without there being consequences for it. I never had a male authority figure in my life, but most of my friends did so I grew up with a bunch of "surrogate" father figures. When I was an adult it never really affected how I dealt with men in authority roles in general. I'm not sure if that is what you mean by that.

As for pre-existing order, I assume you are talking about gender roles and how they are set in society (if not just let me know). For me it never seemed odd. From the time I was 5 until I was 18 I think I saw my dad in person 4 or 5 times. To me, he wasn't a bad person, he was just a stranger. When I was an adult I ended up moving near him for a little while and decided to try to get to know him better. It turned out he's just a shitty person I didn't want to have anything to do with. My mom was pretty open with me and my brother when it came to sex ed, relationships or things like that. So stuff I might traditionally talk to a dad about I talked to her about, and it didn't seem too strange to me.

One thing it did for sure was give me a pretty negative feeling toward booze. I do sometimes drink and have gotten shitfaced drunk in my life, but I only drink on rare occasion. When I see booze I see shitty memories of my mom on the phone trying to find out why she wasn't getting child support or why her insurance wasn't covering some medical need. I see stress, anger, depression, and unhappiness. I never have found much joy in drinking or getting drunk. I like the taste of some of it, but it is basis for a lot of struggle in my family so I tend to stay away.