AA/NA etc are tools, but they don't hog the whole tool box
'Anonymous' programs don't really help you address the underlying reasons for why you started abusing a substance in the first place. a lack of belief in a higher power is probably not what caused you to first pick up the bottle I'm guessing
if I were you I'd keep giving AA a chance and attend meetings if only for the 'real world accountability' aspect and also hanging out with people who at least understand your struggle
equally importantly though I'd urge you to start seeing an individual therapist to help you sort out what caused all this and how to fix those issues (the stuff you've been masking with addiction)
I recommend
betterhelp.com all the time to peeps who deal with all the ish life tosses our way. I still use it myself from time to time when I notice I've slipped back to not remembering the last day I ate. only place I've personally ever found therapy to actually be helpful tbh
it's a large, highly regarded organization of licensed therapists and if you do decide to check it out they have a pretty thorough (but simple, you just tick the appropriate box for each question) questionnaire at the beginning of the process to ensure you're given therapist recommendations that suit you. one of the questions relates to faith/religion for example
they make the process of finding someone to work with really easy, and if it isn't a good fit you can just switch immediately to try someone else, all payments go through their site so no fuss no muss. fit is important in therapy, the most motivated client and most well-meaning therapist will accomplish nothing if the two aren't a good fit together
in my case they hit it out of the park in the first name on the recommendation list I received, really awesome dude who has been such a help to me over quite a few years
options for therapy are skype video chat, email, voice calls, phone calls and rates are sliding scale based on what you can afford to pay
highly rec them to anyone in need of some private support
most importantly they have a huge roster of sex-positive therapists so if you're in adult, you don't have to hide what you do
for real, you gonna let a liquid ruin your life? please. you know you're stronger than that
good luck and please keep trying, whatever avenues you pursue