Mutt

this is the worst and i still think about it every so often and cringe with shame because I'm not a racist and i never say anything close to what i did that day. i blame it on peer pressure but that is a copout - i was at a new high school, most of the cool people were Jews, i'm Jewish but had never been exposed to many Jews in my life. But I knew Yiddish words from my grandparents and other older relatives.

so one day it was lunch and I was sitting in the cafeteria with a bunch of Jewish guys, all wiseass types - so we were throwing buns at people, students, teachers anybody - there was a black cafeteria lady cleaning up a table or something and i guess i wanted to fit in with these guys so as one guy was cocking his arm back to wing another bun at somebody i blurted out loudly 'Ten bucks if you hit the schvartza!' - Schvartza is not a nice word, not as bad as '******', it's a word Jews use for black people. As soon as the word was out of my mouth I knew something was wrong because the color went out of the faces of the 6 or 7 other guys at the table and they were wincing - i had a good idea what was up, i slowly turned around and there was a guy name Marcus Salmon standing over my shoulder - one of probably only 5 black guys n the school, big guy, very nice guy - he didn't punch me or anything, he was smart, he gave me a withering look that was much more painful to me, like i was a complete dirtbag and not worthy of punching or dealing with - that's more than 20 years ago and still stays with me.

I have another one involving a girlfriend and her sister that is worse - no idea how anybody got past that one.

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