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I don't use bidet's anymore - not since the episode in '09 when one exploded on me.
My toilet routine consists of wiping the excess off with a cucumber and then using wipes. I purchased a bunch from Harrods of London when they had a sale on. They are gold gilted and dissolve in water. The pack says they are 100% better for your bum than the leading wipes.
The procedure normally takes around 20 minutes. After wiping I apply oils that act as a barrier and as a cushion.
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