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I like PB, and some of his help threads are reasonable, but I don't know why anyone bothers seriously replying to parody level nonsense like this, where the only possible excuse is trolling, and it's not that.
What he wants is simple to understand, it's just so idiotic that it can't possibly be that. But it is.
If you don't know anything about MySQL, or even what a database is supposed to be for, the solution isn't being spoonfed more code to paste into the spaghetti monster you have already, inspiring a new thread tomorrow, it's to stop using it until you know how to use it.
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