Originally Posted by Lief Thorson

Yes of course. I understand how being caught lying can make a narcissist upset. It shakes the very foundation that they are built on.

If you catch a narcissist in a lie and confront them, you will definitely face at least one of the Four D’s. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you.

Deny.

“It wasn’t me.”

“I didn’t do that.”

“That’s not what happened.”

They will deny any and all of your allegations.

Deflect.

“You did this.”

“This happened because someone else did this.”

“Someone else dropped the ball.”

They will deflect the blame onto someone else- including you.

Devalue.

“This is your fault.”

“You are the problem.”

“You caused this.”

“You have done x,y, and z to cause this.”

“Your past solicited this.”

“I did this because of you.”

In addition to deflecting blame, they will devalue you and make you wish you had never confronted them. Devaluing is a huge part of the narcissistic relationship. When it comes to devaluing you, catching them in a lie will be no different than dealing with any other conflict.

Dismiss.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Can we just move on.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Just forget it.”

They will sweep everything that is important to you under the rug. Your feelings won’t be acknowledged or valued. They will do this in order to keep you under their control and to remain in the driver’s seat.

But you are not in control, so that angers you.