There way worst situation than you, you still spoiled and just don't know or can't see what you have. Just breathing this morning should motivate you to do better and go get what you want period. 46yrs lol come on man. Anyways I don't know why i care but as a fellow Canadian you gotta stand up my man, to many opportunities out there cant be wasting time on tears.
Good luck. ✌🏾
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