Ganja,
My heart goes out tp you mate.
Hate to say I have similar experiences, and unfortunately on more than 1 occasion.
Sometimes the people who serve as the "rocks" and "inspiration" for many others can find it hard to live up to others expectations of them.
I dunno what the answer is.....
Personally I have tried to pass on to the others the energy, help, support and advice that my friends gave to me before they checked out.
Pay it forward is the only way I have known.
Whatever you do (and sometimes easier said than done) DON'T blame yourself, but give your support to the others affected by what HE decided to do.
Mightn't help much, but in the spirit of my departed friends, felt I had to say something.
Stay strong and do not lose faith in the inspiration he gave to you.
