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Part II:
Ideally, you should arrive at the ceremony site 30 minutes before the time printed on the invitation -- even earlier for a large wedding (200 guests or more). If you do get there after it's begun, seat yourself quietly in the back. If the procession is going on, wait until the bride reaches the altar to enter the sanctuary and find a seat.
You're not expected to participate in religious rituals (if you're Jewish and attending a Catholic wedding, for example, you don't do Communion). But it's polite to follow the lead of family members sitting in front as far as standing and sitting goes (you don't have to kneel if you don't want to, though). After the recession, guests remain in their seats until the families of the bride and groom have been escorted out. If the receiving line is scheduled post-ceremony, get yourself in line.
THE RECEPTION
Usually the first thing you'll see at the reception (if the couple has arrived before the guests, which is ideal) is the receiving line. Don't blow it off -- this is your chance to talk one-on-one with the couple, meet the bride or groom if you haven't yet, thank the parents for inviting you, etc. Especially if it's a large wedding, you might not get a chance later to chat with the couple and give them your love and best wishes. Don't spend too much time in line, though -- just say congrats, shake a few hands, and give a big old kiss to the bride and groom (if you're that close -- otherwise a hug will do!).
After the receiving line it's time for the cocktail hour, when people mill around with drinks and hors d'oeuvres. This is prime mingling time. You'll know when it's officially time to be seated for the meal (it's fine to sit before you're asked to, but it's more fun to walk around a talk to people!). Don't just park it anywhere -- check to see if there's a seating chart and sit where you're supposed to. At your table: Introduce yourself to anyone you don't know; explain your connection to the couple. Be nice. Don't just talk to people you're already acquainted with! It's not as if you don't have anything in common (the couple -- duh). If there's a specific seating arrangement, the bride and groom probably put you with people they thought you'd enjoy talking to -- so you probably will.
As far as dancing goes, guests generally follow the lead of the couple, wedding party, and families, Usually the bride and groom dance together first (although the first dance sometimes happens later on in the reception). Once the party gets going, though, feel free to dance as much as you want to! (As a matter of fact, the bride and groom would probably love it if you led the conga line!)
A word about the bouquet throw and garter toss -- while some of us aren't crazy about these traditions (like me), it is kind of rude to avoid them by hiding out in the bathroom (I'm guilty, I admit it). If you're not one of those who's going to dive for the bouquet or garter, just go out there and stand in the back -- and smile. One caveat: Even if you think these traditions are silly, or that something else about the wedding is tacky or inappropriate -- keep your feelings to yourself. Maybe this isn't how you'd do it, but it is how the bride and groom chose to do it, and (as much as we'll all like to sometimes) it's not your place to complain. Not while you're there, at least!
When can you leave? Receptions usually last about four hours, and you'll know when things start winding down. You should stay at least until after the cake has been cut. Many brides and grooms stay until the bitter end these days, so it's hard to leave after them. When you decide to leave, find a member of the bride's immediate family (like her mom) and thank them. Also attempt to give the couple a last hug before you depart.
See, it's not so painful to be a guest -- most of the time you get to sit back and enjoy yourself. Even if you don't, remember that it's the couple's day, and you're primarily there for them -- not just to get totally trashed!
-- Tracy L. Guth
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