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many, many, many times.
i was always stopped by some odd feeling that i am not supposed to go yet, coupled with the fact that people would pity me if i killed myself, i would look so weak. I would be hurting those around me like i could never imagine.
i still get suicidal thoughts every now and then, when life sucks, when i get into a lot of crazy fights with family, and i feel im better off on some other 'level', but what stops me now, is the fact i have a daughter. She comes first. If I were to actually kill myself, I would be hurting her more then any1.
...a couple months back, a widow called us up and she wanted to sell some guns of her late husbands (we run a gun biz here)... it so happens that her husband had some bad biz dealings and went out in the back yard and said Hi to GOD, if ya know what I mean. The worst part is, he had a 7r old son. Thats SO fucked up. The wife and son came over once to pick up some $ from the sale of a few guns, and the kid seen a gun on the wall, and said 'my daddy has guns'. That felt bad to hear that shit.
If you EVeR have suicidal thoughts, just realize you will hurt those around you. Dont be selfish, and remember, theres epople out there that have it far worse then you.
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