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Merchant Account:
More control - Like you say rather or not to give a refund. Your rules. You control "your" customers info.
Lower Fees
3rd Party Biller:
Someone else takes care of your customers - Could be good or bad. Depends on who answers the phone and how many customers you have.
Otherwise there isn't really a difference anymore. Depends on which gateway service you go with. Like Netbilling and PlugNPay have membership management and stores already made to use.
You cann't get a high-risk merchant account for adult services (you can still get one for adult goods) unless you can bring in some good money through that merchant account (as someone else already mentioned).
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