Gosh, I know so many. Of course there's my classic, "Ass-licking is what separates the men from the boys." However, here are some others:
"Everyone has to believe in something. (slight pause) I believe I'll have another beer."
Woody Allen: "I don't want to live forever through my works. I want to live forever through never dying."
Woody Allen: "I'm a bisexual because it doubles my chances of having a date on Saturday night."
Actor George Sanders' Suicide Note: "Goodbye cruel world. You bored me stiff."
Actor John Barrymore's last words when a friend asked him if his fatal condition was difficult: "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."
"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
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