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Most of my favorite quotes come from Jack Handey:
"I'd like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a "tap barrier", and we could move on from there."
"I hope after I die people will say of me "that guy sure owed me a lot of money.""
"One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes."
"Probably the saddest thing you will ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend."
"The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!"
Enchantress
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