You've got two issues going here, neither of which have to do with the thread topic really
"Personally I think it sucks because as a webmaster promoting a site, busting my ass to get the traffic there, spending my own money on content and bandwidth, to have the sponsor run a stricter processor as primary, then when it get's denied go through a less scrubbed processor, then collect your sign up, that's just wrong."
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First off, any sponsor who would depend on their declines to cheat a reseller out of a payout is stupid. Declined surfers going through the Visa approved methods for attempting another transaction, know they were declined and a huge percentage of them do NOT try again. Companies big enough to be managing their own resellers and have a relationship with a processor where they post the transaction in (mind you this is ending this month with the larger processors) can cheat you in other ways if they wanted to without messing with willing surfers.
"And there seems to be some misconception among sponsors that once the surfer is denied, it's their customer to do what they want with, any way to make a buck, and tough shit on the webmasters who sent the surfer there."
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One could also argue from a sponsors point of view that once the traffic comes into the site they are the property of the site owner. Resellers claiming traffic as their own is akin to the Hun or Tommy telling you that their reseller codes, instead of your own, had to be on all your pages if you were getting listings and traffic from them.
No one owns traffic -- we are all just traffic lights and directional signs on the road that it moves.