lightswitch

> The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
> surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
> was to
> arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should
> be
> here soon".
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
> rang
> the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come
> to...."
> "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut
> in.
> "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!
> I've made a specialty of babies."
> "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
> seat."
> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
> the
> couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room
> floor is
> fun too; you can really spread out!"
> "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and
> me."
> "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
> we
> try several different positions and I shoot from six
> or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
> "My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
> "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his
> time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
> but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
>
> "Don't I know it." Mrs. Smith said quietly.
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
> out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of
> a bus."
> "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
> their mother was so difficult to work with."
>
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
> the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
> pushing to get a good look."
> "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
> "Yes", the photographer said. "For more than three hours, too. The
> mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
> concentrate.
> Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
> the
> squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your,
> um...equipment?"
> "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
> that we can get to work."
> "Tripod??"
> "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
> big
> for me to hold very long... Madam? Madam?