Er.. good luck.
Probably best bet is getting your own merchant account and useing some AVS gateway to do your own charges. The only thing there is I don't know if you'll find a place what will send out checks as opposed to wire-xfers, and the split thing probably even less likely.
It is impossible to get a processor w/ "NO CHARGEBACKS", why do you think they are called chargebacks? It's not like the companies ALLOW a chargeback, it HAPPENS. The visa (or whatever) cardholders agreement allows them to chargeback, and most of the time it's not contested from the merchant, at least when using third-party processors.
Good luck though,
-Phil