If you really want to ruin his life I would suggest the following...
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Check your newspaper's police blotter for a major theft that's occurred in his neighborhood. Call the police station from a pay phone. "Hello, I want to make an annonymous call about the theft the othe. Uh, I know who the guy is and he's been stealing ever since I've known him. I'm just starting to feel sorry for the people he's ripping off and want you to stop him but I don't want him to know who I am or he'll beat me up." Sound really whiney and nervous, "His name is *** **** and he lives at ******. He keeps all the stuff he steals either hidden in his closet or hooked up in his room and most of it all still has the serial numbers on them..." You get the idea. The police will want to move in on this horrible criminal and will probably get a search warrant so they can look for evidence.
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This is probably one of the best things to do and can even become a major news event in your area. You pull out the 'ole phone book and open it up to the yellow pages. Now, starting from the letter "A" and working all the way to "Z" call up every single business in the book. Set up an appointment with every company in there for (example) Wednesday morning at about 10:00. Give yourself a few days to do it all and get all the appointment as close together as you can.
You can probably see what's going to happen. Wednesday morning at 10:00 his street is going to be totally filled up with a truck from every business in the entire area. From exterminators to furnace repair to roofing estimates, they'll all be there asking for him. (Try to make sure he's going to be home when they come.)
On Wednesday morning you'll want to make some calls. At 9:30 call up every pizza delivery place in the area and have a couple large pizzas sent to him. After that, call up all the taxicabs and instruct them to come to your house to take you shopping.
Tuesday night you'll also want to make some calls. Every T.V. station and newspaper in the area will want to know that "something big is going to happen on his street" in the morning. Don't tell them what, just tell them that they'd be stupid not to get coverage on something like this. Also call up all your friends and have them call up their friends. Instruct them all to show up on his street at about 9:45 am.
As this will be an historical moment, bring a video camera and tape the whole event just in case you're not happy with the camera work of the T.V. stations. You might want to call in a false report to the fire department that his house is on fire just to get them there and add to the confusion.
The time-honored tradition of giving him a subscription to every magazine that was ever made. Go to your library and rip out those little subscription cards out of each one. If a librarian asks you what the hell your doing tell her to go piss up a flagpole and continue your task.
Now take this big stack of cards home and fill them all out in his name and send them in. Almost every one of the cards will already have the postage paid for so you won't have to worry about the cost of stamps.
He'll get a couple issues of each magazine until they get pissed off that he's not paying for them and stop his subscription. For a few months after that they'll harrass him about paying for the magazines he ordered but he won't get into any kind of trouble because of it.
Some magazines let you use a credit card to pay for the subscription. Use someone else's card and when the owner of the card gets his bill, they'll investigate it and eventually narrow it down to his address.
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Just like the police blotter deal, find someone who is a victim of a hit and run. Call the person or the police and make an annonymous report that you were there when it happened and you saw the license plate on the car. Give them his plate number
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There's a million little tricks you can play on people with those mail forwarding cards you get at the post office. Here are some ideas.
o Forward all of his mail to London, England.
o Forward all of his grandparents mail to his house.
o Forward all of his mail to his place of employment. His boss will get really irked when he starts recieving mail there.
o Forward his best friend's mail to his home.
o Forward his mail to his school.
o Forward his mail to the police station.
o Forward his boss's mail to Asia.
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6) Kill his lawn. This can be achieved with any kind of poison, paint thinner, or even piss. Simply pour as much of the stuff as you can all over the lawn and wait a few days to a week. Lovely brown spots will start to show. Nice effect. Try writing words with paint thinner.
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Is this evil enough or should I do some more?
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