|
65 STAR WARS MERCHANDISING
Though the entire ?prequelogy? was a giant toy commercial, did George Lucas really need to whore out his characters as Darth Tater and toys of M&M?s dressed up like Chewbacca?
64 CELLULAR PHONE CONTRACTS
We?ve become a new nation of indentured servants, signing gigantic 2 year deals with ridiculously high early cancellation fees. All for a ****ty camera phone with Hillary Duff ring tones.
63 SUPERMODELS
I?ll never understand the obsession with these skinny freakish zombies. In comic books, you need special powers to be called super. Apparently the power to live on a diet of cocaine and saliva is enough for these gals to achieve that status.
62 50 CENT
Nothing says gangsta like your own flavor of Vitamin Water. Maybe its better to die tryin?, after all.
61 KABALLAH
When your religion gets an energy drink named after it, perhaps its time to rethink your beliefs.
60 NICOLE RICHIE
The literary world was treated to her tell all book as empty and worthless as the author. You know you have issues when your autobiography weighs more than you do. Hopefully this era of being famous for being famous will be over soon.
59 AUTOMATED CAMPAIGN CALLS
Also known as ?robo calls? these pre-recorded messages from politicians and celebrities pollute answering machines across America during election time. I never thought I?d see the day when I missed telemarketing calls.
58 SURVIVOR
After 11 seasons and no deaths it?s time to up the ante on this formulaic bore. CBS needs to spice things up and set the next episode in Iraq.
57 SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Aside from the Weekend Update segment with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, the 2005 season is among the series? worst. Sorry Lorne Michaels, but I think its time for some new blood up top.
56 SONY
As if listening to Britney Spears? CDs wasn?t bad enough, Sony put virtually undetectable secret software on the disc and numerous others in their catalog that rendered computers unfortunate enough to play them susceptible to hacker attacks. Meanwhile Sony faces speculation that their PS3 system will be released shortly after the XBOX 720 comes out.
55 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Spends tens of millions of cash strapped California?s dollars to hold an election for special initiatives that ?the people demanded? only to see them unanimously defeated at the polls. And despite a bill he signed outlawing sex with corpses, he continues to share a bed with Maria Shriver. Sorry, I should have listened to my wife and left this joke out.
54 MEXICAN PRESIDENT VINCENTE FOX
Angered many with his remarks that Mexicans have to take jobs that ?not even blacks would want to do?. Of course his comment was off base, ?cause the number of Mexicans in the National Hockey League is still rather low.
53 STARBUCKS
Not only are there some places in America where there are twin Starbucks locations directly across the street from each other, but their tactics of opening up next to local established coffee shacks are making them the Wal-Mart of the hot beverage world. And damn if I can remember their Venti to English size conversion chart when ordering their drinks.
52 ALAN COLMES
The Ichabod Crane of the liberal media is hardly a formidable foil to his overbearing and pompous partner Sean Hannity on their creatively titled TV show, Hannity & Colmes.
51 DICK CHENEY
Not since Asslick Johnson has there been a more aptly named Vice President in our country?s history.
50 ASHLEE SIMPSON
I can understand people with no singing talent getting record contracts based on looks and sex appeal, but Ashlee Simpson doesn?t even have that going for her. It makes you wonder if someone at her record company lost a bet.
49 MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL
How can anyone get excited about this league full of cheating, corruption, and abuse. Hey! It really is America?s sport!
48 LINDSEY LOHAN
After having her breasts digitally reduced by Disney for the new Herbie movie, she had them reduced for real by using one of those wacky ?stop eating stuff? diets.
47 EXTREME MAKOVER: HOME EDITION
You know, it doesn?t seem like building an $800,000 dream homes for a family who?s father lost his job as a professional rope skipper because he twisted his ankle is the best use of resources to help out America?s neediest people.
46 PHILLIP MORRIS ANTI-SMOKING ADS
Really want kids to stop smoking? Stop showing commercials with kids saying how uncool it is, and have Bea Arthur in a thong smoking a pack of Newports exclaiming how cool cigs really are. Either that, or stop making cigarettes.
45 TOP 100 COUNTDOWNS
When VH1 runs The 100 Wackiest Left Handed Chinese Bass Players, perhaps its time to rethink this whole Top 100 countdown thing.
44 BABY BRATZ
Not satisfied with making dolls of teenagers that look like hookers, we now have slutty toddler figures for the kids to enjoy. I knew it was a mistake putting Michael Jackson on Hasbro?s Board of Directors.
43 CELEBRITY POKER
Watching ?celebrities? like that redhead lady from Suddenly Susan and ?that guy who was in that show about those guys? play bad poker makes for some of the most horrible television ever broadcast.
42 RECTAL THERMOMETERS
Their era of usefulness is over. Plus, woe be to he who forgets what type it is!
41 ENZYTE ADS
When a guy has trouble getting erections, he should deal with it the old fashioned way and buy a new Hummer.
40 ROB SCHNEIDER
It saddens me to think there?s people who were actually looking forward to see Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo. During the opening weekend, it opened at #48 and was outgrossed by an art film of Jm. J. Bullock playing solitaire.
39 FOX NEWS
President Bush could drive a flaming van full of babies off a cliff and FOX would find a way to spin it as a liberal attack on family values.
38 SIX FLAGS GUY
Is there such a shortage of real old guys that Six Flags has to use this latex makeup appliance covered freak in their commercials?
37 BARBARA BUSH
Sometimes it just seems better to complain about the root cause of the problem.
36 ADULT HARRY POTTER FANS
Harry Potter is a fine series to read?when you?re twelve years old! Actually I just put this here to see how much hate mail I?ll get from stupid people who just skim read the list. I actually enjoy reading the books and wish J.K. Rowling was my Sugar Mommy.
35 CUSTOMER SERVICE VOICE RESPONSE LINES
Not content with letting you push buttons, most company service numbers require you to shout out answers to a menu of options that make you feel like you?re in some corporate responsive prayer meeting. ?Wait a minute?I think you said, ?Yuck Foo??is that correct??
34 BRITNEY SPEARS and KEVIN FEDERLINE
The worst of the vapid celebrity couples out there. From their stupid reality show, to the non stop tabloid coverage of their relationship, I?ve had enough.
33 DAKOTA FANNING
One of my biggest laughs of the year was hearing that a local film critic shouted ?If I have to watch one more movie with that ugly no talent buck toothed Jack-O-Lantern, I?m going to scream!? I think she?s a fine enough actress, but she?s managed to guest star in every single film of the year. It doesn?t seem possible, but I think I even saw her in my 1987 high school graduation video.
|