Why A Lot of Straight Men Are Opting Out Of Getting Married

[cthulhu_waves]

This article was a few days old and I was surprised how it tackled the subject without the feminist bullshit attached to these issues.

The article was lifted from here.

It seems that fewer and fewer people in general are getting married these days, and even fewer men seem interested. Men no longer see marriage as being as important as they did even 15 years ago. "According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997--from 28 percent to 37%. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent." Why?

In the course of researching my new book, Men On Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - And Why It Matters, I talked with men all over America about why they're avoiding marriage. It turns out that the problem isn't that men are immature, or lazy. Instead, they're responding rationally to the incentives in today's society. Here are some of the answers I found.

1. You'll lose respect. A couple of generations ago, a man wasn't considered fully adult until he was married with kids. But today, fathers are figures of fun more than figures of respect: The schlubby guy with the flowered diaper bag at the mall, or one of the endless array of buffoonish TV dads in sitcoms and commercials. In today's culture, father never knows best. It's no better in the news media. As communications professor James Macnamara reports, "by volume, 69 percent of mass media reporting and commentary on men was unfavorable, compared with just 12 percent favorable and 19 percent neutral or balanced."

2. You'll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average - but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage. A Men's Health article mentioned one study that followed 2,737 people for six years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles.

3. You'll lose friends. "Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine." That's an old song, but it's true. When married, men's ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men's self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general.

4. You'll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their "man caves," but why do they retreat? Because they've lost the battle for the rest of the house. The Art of Manliness blog mourns "The Decline of Male Space," and notes that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements - the least desirable part of the home. As a commenter to the post observes: "There was no sadder scene to a movie than in 'Juno' when married guy Jason Bateman realized that in his entire huge, house, he had only a large closet to keep all the stuff he loved in. That hit me like a punch in the face."

5. You could lose your kids, and your money. And they may not even be your kids. Lots of men I spoke with were keenly aware of the dangers of divorce, and worried that if they were married and it went sour, the woman might take everything, including the kids. Other men were concerned that they might wind up paying child support for kids who aren't even theirs - a very real possibility in many states. On my blog, I polled over 3200 men to ask how they would react to finding out that a child wasn't theirs after all. 32 percent said they would feel "anger and fury at the mother," 6 percent said they would feel "depression," 18 percent said "anger and depression," 2 percent said "none of the above," 32 percent said "angry at the system that forced them to pay," and only 2 percent "didn't care." One man commented that his ex-wife had taunted him with the knowledge that his 11-year old son wasn't actually his: "I was angry at the mother...I severed all ties to the boy. Some may see this as a failing. I see it as self-preservation, and to those that ask the question of whether or not the courts will make a non-biological parent pay child support, pay attention: YES THEY WILL! They see you as nothing more than a source of cash for the child. It seems that a person in these situations should be able to sue the real father for child support."

6. You'll lose in court. Men often complain that the family court legal system is stacked against them, and in fact it seems to be. Women gain custody and child support the majority of the time, as pointed out in this ABC News article: "Despite the increases in men seeking and receiving alimony, advocates warn against linking the trend to equality in the courtroom. Family court judges still tend to favor women, said Ned Holstein, the founder of Fathers & Families, a group advocating family court reform. "'Family court still gives custody overwhelmingly to mothers, child support overwhelmingly to mothers, and courts still give almony overwhelmingly to mothers and women,' he said. 'The family courts came into existence years ago in order to give things to mothers that mothers needed," he said. 'The times have changed and the courts have not.'"

7. You'll lose your freedom. At least, if you're charged with child support that you can't pay, you can be put in jail - and if you can't afford a lawyer, you don't have the right to have one appointed because, according to the Supreme Court, it's technically a civil matter, never mind the jail time. Fathers and Families found that it's the men who are jailed rather than women: "A new report concludes that between 95% and 98.5% of all incarcerations in Massachusetts sentenced from the Massachusetts Probate and Family Courts from 2001 through 2011 have been men. Moreover, this percentage may be increasing, with an average of 94.5% from 2001 to 2008, and 96.2% from 2009 through 2011. It is likely that most of these incarcerations are for incomplete payment of child support. Further analysis suggests that women who fail to pay all of their child support are incarcerated only one-eighth as often as men with similar violations."

8. Single life is better than ever. While the value of marriage to men has declined, the quality of single life has improved. Single men were once looked on with suspicion, passed over for promotion for important jobs, which usually valued "stable family men," and often subjected to social opprobrium. It was hard to have a love life that wasn't aimed at marriage, and premarital sex was risky and frowned upon. Now, no one looks askance at the single lifestyle, dating is easy, and employers probably prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities. Plus, video games, cable TV, and the Internet provide entertainment that didn't used to be available. Is this good for society? Probably not, as falling birth rates and increasing single-motherhood demonstrate. But people respond to incentives. If you want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition.

Clarification: From author Helen Smith: "I talked only with heterosexual men about marriage for the book. It did not include same-sex marriages. However the dynamics of same -sex marriage would be a fascinating study for future research." -- HuffPost Eds.

Marriage can't be enforced. It is the only legal contract that can be unilaterally dissolved by one party while simultaneously keeping the other party legally obligated under penalty of civil and criminal sanctions for up to 19 years.

Women see marriage as a weapon far more than a gesture of love and commitment. Add to this the general levels of hatred against men by women, and it's no wonder men avoid it.

Ironically, what this is most likely to do is leave millions of women who want to be married without husbands or children. It's sad, but when you scream at a man, call him names and allow him no dignity, don't be surprised when he just walks away.

[BlackCrayon]

well if you even live with a woman for a few years its considered 'common law' and you can lose all the same shit.

[Sly]

I'm a 29-year-old single male. There is absolutely nothing about marriage that is appealing to me.

Every married guy I know complains and bitches nonstop about…
No Sex
Lack of Freedom
Lack of Say
Lack of Fun
Lack of Money

Guys… take a cooking course, get a maid, and find a nice facility of ill repute. Now you have sex, food, money, and a clean house. ;-)

Like spending time with kids? That's what your friends and siblings are for. Use theirs!

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by Sly

I'm a 29-year-old single male. There is absolutely nothing about marriage that is appealing to me.

Every married guy I know complains and bitches nonstop about…
No Sex
Lack of Freedom
Lack of Say
Lack of Fun
Lack of Money

Guys… take a cooking course, get a maid, and find a nice facility of ill repute. Now you have sex, food, money, and a clean house. ;-)

Like spending time with kids? That's what your friends and siblings are for. Use theirs!

the only downside really is, unless you are really good with the ladies and can pull different ones consistently, as they years pass on, it gets a bit lonely.

[Sly]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

the only downside really is, unless you are really good with the ladies and can pull different ones consistently, as they years pass on, it gets a bit lonely.

Understood, though I don't believe unhappiness is a very good trade in for not being lonely.

[Klen]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

well if you even live with a woman for a few years its considered 'common law' and you can lose all the same shit.

Which is why you need to change girlfriend every new year

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by Sly

Understood, though I don't believe unhappiness is a very good trade in for not being lonely.

definitely not but the expectation that any person, man or woman, can have exactly what they want in a person/relationship is an ideal that can never be lived up to. there has to be some compromise on both sides.

[TheSquealer]

This is not rocket science and doesn't require lengthy bullshit studies. We are wired as men to hunt, kill, fuck and impregnate women as many women as possible and pass on our genes. At the core of our beings is a very primitive set of behaviors driving us forward. Being married, or joined in some meaningful way and having a lot of children has historically played a strong role in survival, the survival of the family, the survival of our genes, increased security (more males to fight), increased food security (more males to hunt/farm), the passing of property/titles/lands etc etc etc (also ties to survival of our genes). When we live in a world that is infinitely more safe, where wars and famine are few and far between, where medicine makes quantum leaps in advancements every few years, when medications can wipe out almost anything and we are no longer basing our lives on agraculture and raiding the neighboring villages, a great deal of our own innate genetic mandates are rendered pointless.

Marriage is largely failing because its role in our survival is being increasingly diminished.

In todays world, there is little upside for the male. Potential massive / devastating financial consequences, restricted freedom (diminished ability to risk - changing jobs, flying to Borneo on a whim etc), it is a 24/7 violation of the basic urge to impregnate as many women as possible etc

[L-Pink]

I had to give up half my shit twice. The second time to a woman with an MBA from Wharton. Like she couldn't get a good job on her own.

[TheSquealer]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

well if you even live with a woman for a few years its considered 'common law' and you can lose all the same shit.

Thats not exactly true. I am not familiar with the laws in every state, but generally speaking, its usually 5 years together and you have to hold yourselves out as husband and wife - by how you address each other, sign documents, co-mingling money, joint ownership of property and so on and so on.

However, i do not believe there is any such thing as a common law divorce in any state... so once again, possible downside - huge. possible upside - minimal.

[Grapesoda]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

well if you even live with a woman for a few years its considered 'common law' and you can lose all the same shit.

just trade them in every few years then... no big deal.. I've been single 26 years and love it

[beerptrol]

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free and keep all your money

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by cthulhu_waves

This article was a few days old and I was surprised how it tackled the subject without the feminist bullshit attached to these issues.


Women see marriage as a weapon far more than a gesture of love and commitment. Add to this the general levels of hatred against men by women, and it's no wonder men avoid it.

Ironically, what this is most likely to do is leave millions of women who want to be married without husbands or children. It's sad, but when you scream at a man, call him names and allow him no dignity, don't be surprised when he just walks away.

huh?




otoh, my cousin just got married to a jobless dude with a daughter from a previous marriage. she makes $120k, he's a joke of a man.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

I had to give up half my shit twice. The second time to a woman with an MBA from Wharton. Like she couldn't get a good job on her own.

you got fucked huh!



i got lucky? and learnt the 1st time, i got thoroughly bent over by my ex-wife, a scorned state of california top 50 litigator.

[L-Pink]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

you got fucked huh!



i got lucky? and learnt the 1st time, i got thoroughly bent over by my ex-wife, a scorned state of california top 50 litigator.

Yea I'm a slow learner sometimes. Just glad I had no children.

[Rochard]

My brother has been living with his girlfriend for almost as long as I've been married. They've moved cross country, and own a house together. He told me the other day that "a piece of paper does not make a difference in their relationship". But it does matter. I have a friend of mine who is gay and has been dating someone for ten years; When my friend had a heart attack his partner wasn't allowed in to see him. I would imagine it would be the same if my brother had a heart attack - the one person who loves him the most might be denied access at the most important moment. Same thing if he dies - the house, the cars, any money they had... She might not get.

I've been married thirteen years. No regrets at all, still going strong.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Yea I'm a slow learner sometimes. Just glad I had no children.

i hear ya, me too, i am free to live the life of a porner unencumbered.

btw, i was lolin w/ya, not atcha.

[PuffyCash_Megan]

Not all women are the same I would like to get married and if it didn't work out I wouldn't be trying to take all the money and the house.

Children do change a lot with regards to legality though - I know a woman who gets a fortune from her ex because they had a child together.. and spousal payments. But I think it's money diggers that are mainly like that.

[slapass]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

the only downside really is, unless you are really good with the ladies and can pull different ones consistently, as they years pass on, it gets a bit lonely.

Most guys I know are married to someone they don't like so seems like it would be lonely.

[marcop]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

the only downside really is, unless you are really good with the ladies and can pull different ones consistently, as they years pass on, it gets a bit lonely.

I beg to differ. I'm no Don Juan, but I often date women 15-20 years younger than me, and the last real girlfriend I had was almost 30 years younger. It must run in the family--my dad's second wife was 24 years his junior. Younger women often tell me how dumb/stupid/asshole-like young guys are, and how they prefer dating older men who generally know how to treat a women well.

As for the loneliness... well, that's part of the human condition.

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by marcop

I beg to differ. I'm no Don Juan, but I often date women 15-20 years younger than me, and the last real girlfriend I had was almost 30 years younger. It must run in the family--my dad's second wife was 24 years his junior. Younger women often tell me how dumb/stupid/asshole-like young guys are, and how they prefer dating older men who generally know how to treat a women well.

As for the loneliness... well, that's part of the human condition.

are these porn girls or regular girls? big difference in my opinion. not to mention it gives you instant access to a big pool of often troubled girls who have father issues.v easy access that most guys do not have. how are you able to talk to and relate to these girls? a big downside as i see it to being with much younger women is they aren't gonna stick around when you're an old and shit isn't fun anymore.

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by Grapesoda

just trade them in every few years then... no big deal.. I've been single 26 years and love it

no big deal i guess as long as you can manage to not create any kind of significant feelings. i don't know, i kind of like the idea of sharing a life with someone. i guess i'm just not hard enough.

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by TheSquealer

Thats not exactly true. I am not familiar with the laws in every state, but generally speaking, its usually 5 years together and you have to hold yourselves out as husband and wife - by how you address each other, sign documents, co-mingling money, joint ownership of property and so on and so on.

However, i do not believe there is any such thing as a common law divorce in any state... so once again, possible downside - huge. possible upside - minimal.

yeah it all depends on where you live. for example in british columbia its only 2 years and you are considered 'common law'. as for division of assets, i am not really sure but once kids come into the picture, which it does for most at some point, it changes a lot in regards to what happens when you split up. in this day and age most couples share bank accounts or both pay into rent/mortgage. its not very typical that you have a women who has contributed nothing to the relationship monetarily.

[L-Pink]

Originally Posted by marcop

As for the loneliness... well, that's part of the human condition.

Get a good dog.

[slapass]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

are these porn girls or regular girls? big difference in my opinion. not to mention it gives you instant access to a big pool of often troubled girls who have father issues.v easy access that most guys do not have. how are you able to talk to and relate to these girls? a big downside as i see it to being with much younger women is they aren't gonna stick around when you're an old and shit isn't fun anymore.

Get a nurse at that point as it is not much fun for someone you love either.

[Tofu]

I learned my lesson. Now, I look at marriage as a type of castration. Plus, I think people of today get married for all the wrong reasons. I'll run out of fingers and toes, counting the number of "happily married" women who bootycall/bootytext me and willingly cheat on their husbands. They favor him for financial support and me for the sexual fulfillment. It's fucked up, but it happens quite often.

The simple fact that I have to bend over for the state of California to fuck me out of 1/2 my paycheck, has convinced me to remain single for the rest of my life. Yeah, it gets lonely sometimes, but the rotation of women in and out of my bed keeps that loneliness at bay. Even if temporary.

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

I had to give up half my shit twice. The second time to a woman with an MBA from Wharton. Like she couldn't get a good job on her own.

That's what you get for marrying a woman with intelligence.
:D

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by slapass

Get a nurse at that point as it is not much fun for someone you love either.

i'm not talking about being taken care of but rather companionship and just having someone who gives a shit about you.

[Herb Kornfield]

From being a guy that was legally separated from my wife for 2 years I can tell you this from experience:

Most of the babes I know at my age (37 to 39) wanted to:

1. Have crazy sex. Constantly, everywhere and anywhere. They came off 10+ year marriages that were dead in the fucking department.
2. Be the whore they always wanted to but didnt want to be when younger. They were the good girl back in the day, now its time to get freaky ...
3. Go out on awesome dates. The Exhusb thought going to walmart = going out. Not so.

I had more ass in 2 years than in the 37 years prior to that. It was unreal. 3-4 MILFs a week out and they all knew what was up. Thought I was in heaven.

Then you wake up one day like I did:
- You are alone on holidays usually as the MIFS have to be Mom.
- Ex Husb cockblocks like hell at holidays.
- You spend 99% of your time alone in your place.
- You quickly run out of shit to do solo.
- No matter how awesome going out 7 nights a week is ... You eventually want a night off from the party crazy train.
- You realize that having a partner for the long term that is your best friend is really the deal. I missed the friendship that my wife and I had... We reconnected and starting talking and after while I realized, while the whores were great ... They were not someone I wanted to spend time outside the bedroom with.

My apartment in Philly was open 24 hours at one time for anyone and everyone that wanted to party .... I also no longer worry about the Married women that came by to get banged and my hoping that a crazed husband didnt appear.

Good times then ...but, better times now.

[CaptainHowdy]

[_Richard_]

can't wait till they make commonlaw the same as marriage

[marcop]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Get a good dog.

I have a cat...

[candyflip]

We have three kids and never got married.

We are separating at the moment, and it's not any easier.

[SuckOnThis]

[crockett]

Originally Posted by PuffyCash_Megan

Not all women are the same I would like to get married and if it didn't work out I wouldn't be trying to take all the money and the house.

Children do change a lot with regards to legality though - I know a woman who gets a fortune from her ex because they had a child together.. and spousal payments. But I think it's money diggers that are mainly like that.

Sure you wouldn't... It's basic instinct for women to try to fuck over the man soon as it goes bad. You will say you won't now, but the second things go bad you will be out for revenge.

[dyna mo]

one of the things that pisses me off about russel brandt is that he didn't take 1/2 of what he was entitled to in the divorce from katy. i dig katy but fair's fair.

[Sexier]

Originally Posted by Tofu

I learned my lesson. Now, I look at marriage as a type of castration. Plus, I think people of today get married for all the wrong reasons. I'll run out of fingers and toes, counting the number of "happily married" women who bootycall/bootytext me and willingly cheat on their husbands. They favor him for financial support and me for the sexual fulfillment. It's fucked up, but it happens quite often.

The simple fact that I have to bend over for the state of California to fuck me out of 1/2 my paycheck, has convinced me to remain single for the rest of my life. Yeah, it gets lonely sometimes, but the rotation of women in and out of my bed keeps that loneliness at bay. Even if temporary.

I thought asians had small dicks!! "happy married" women are looking for big cocks you know..

[_Richard_]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

one of the things that pisses me off about russel brandt is that he didn't take 1/2 of what he was entitled to in the divorce from katy. i dig katy but fair's fair.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by _Richard_

i noticed you passed up my earlier post re: my female cousin footing the bill for a deadbeat dude but you're here with one of your typical sneaky/snide opportunistic posts.

give it a rest richard.

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

one of the things that pisses me off about russel brandt is that he didn't take 1/2 of what he was entitled to in the divorce from katy. i dig katy but fair's fair.

the guy didn't care about his marriage to her at all it seems. he supposedly said he wanted a divorce in a text message and hasn't spoken to her since.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

the guy didn't care about his marriage to her at all it seems. he supposedly said he wanted a divorce in a text message and hasn't spoken to her since.

they didn't seem to give a shit about each other at all, nevetheless, cali law and i can't recall a female celeb/public figure passing on her rightful part of a dissolution.

[_Richard_]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

i noticed you passed up my earlier post re: my female cousin footing the bill for a deadbeat dude but you're here with one of your typical sneaky/snide opportunistic posts.

give it a rest richard.

[candyflip]

Originally Posted by Sexier

I thought asians had small dicks!! "happy married" women are looking for big cocks you know..

Who's asian? Surely not Tofu.

[Scott McD]

Been engaged for years, yet have no interest in getting married any time soon. If at all...

[TheSquealer]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

yeah it all depends on where you live. for example in british columbia its only 2 years and you are considered 'common law'. as for division of assets, i am not really sure but once kids come into the picture, which it does for most at some point, it changes a lot in regards to what happens when you split up. in this day and age most couples share bank accounts or both pay into rent/mortgage. its not very typical that you have a women who has contributed nothing to the relationship monetarily.

In most states, it's all heavily weighted against the male... Even more so when children are involved. Laws vary quite a bit from state to state in these areas

[Tofu]

Originally Posted by Sexier

I thought asians had small dicks!! "happy married" women are looking for big cocks you know..

Originally Posted by _Richard_

[J. Falcon]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

well if you even live with a woman for a few years its considered 'common law' and you can lose all the same shit.

Exactly. I think here it's over 5 years. Or it could be 10.

[Struggle4Bucks]

They can all go fuck themselfs!

[RyuLion]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Yea I'm a slow learner sometimes. Just glad I had no children.

Amen to that!!

[_Richard_]

Originally Posted by Tofu

fucking movie is an emotive-gif goldmine.