Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.

Dumb Alabama Laws

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

:rasta What do you get if you cross an Irish man with a Gernan? :question

Over worked


For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine , too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of.

But now I have found the real reason: overworked, here's why:

The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for the state and city governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And there you are sitting on your butt, at your computer, reading jokes.

Dumb Alabama Laws

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday

:xomunch A man who's too drunk to follow orders. :xomunch

cum on know one else post i avnt eaten in months
:(

Hey baby lets play army I'll lay down you can blow me up

Dumb Alabama Laws

You may not drive barefooted.


It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.


It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.


Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.


Masks may not be worn in public.


Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.


Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.


Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

:girl Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!' :D

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

The Facelift


A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales Clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"



"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."



"I am actually 47!"

This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."



As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."



Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"



The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

:Oh crap For sale : Twin beds :BangBang:

smoky - your mum is so fat no matter where she sits i am sitting next to her

Dumb Alabama Laws

It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.


Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.


Incestous marriages are legal.


It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.


You must have windshield wipers on your car.


You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.


Anniston
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.


Jasper
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.


Lee County
It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.


Mobile
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.


It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.


Montgomery
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays

:thefinger one hardly used. :girl

New York Crazy Law
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.


Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.


A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.


While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.


A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.


It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.


Carmel
A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.


Greene
During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.


New York
You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.


Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".


Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.


It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing."


Ocean City
It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.


It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.


Staten Island
It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."


You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.

:feels-hot

did i win yet. common end the posting already :( i am getting rsi

any idea when this finishes?

You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

:1orglaugh How do you tell an old man? :GFYBand

New Jersey Crazy Law
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.


You may not slurp your soup.

If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.


It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.


On a highway you can not park under a bridge.


Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.


You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.


Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.


It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.


Bernards Township
It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".


Caldwell
You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.


Cranford
Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.


Cresskill
All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.


Elizabeth
It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.


Manville
It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.


Newark
It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.


Ocean City
Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.


People may not slurp their soup.


Raw hamburger may not be sold.


Raritan
Profanity is prohibited.


Sea Isle City
There will be no boiling of bones on the property.


Trenton
Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.


You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.

i think it finished now i won :D no need to post anymore

is spamming away of life

:1orglaugh

New Mexico Crazy Law
State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.


Carrizozo
It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.

Las Cruces
You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.

did you not here me thread has ended i won :D

North Carolina Crazy Law
All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.


If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.

It's against the law to sing off key.

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.


A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.


Barber
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.


Chapel Hill
It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.


Charlotte
Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.


Elon College
There is to be no rollerblading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. (Repealed in 1998)


Forest City
You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.


Greensboro
Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.


Hornytown
Massage parlors have been banned.


Kill Devil Hills
You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.


Rocky Mount
It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.


Southern Shores
It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway.

listen it over finished dont waste your time posting anymore really

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button

:Oh crap 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.' :1orglaugh

North Dakota Crazy Law
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.


It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon

Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

clamsmacker are you listening to me :ak47:

Ohio Crazy Law
It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.


Owners of tigers must notify authorities within one hour if the tiger escapes.

It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.


Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.


It is illegal to get a fish drunk.


The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.


No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.


Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.


Breast feeding is not allowed in public.


In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.


It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.


Bay Village
It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.


Bexley
Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.


Clinton County
Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines.


Cleveland
It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!


Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.


Columbus
It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.


Fairview Park
It's against the law to honk your horn "excessively". A grandmother was fined for honking her horn twice at her neighbor.


Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner's permission.


Ironton
Cross-dressing is against the law.


Lima
Any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold.


Lowell
It is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour.


Marion
You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.


North Canton
It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.


McDonald
Your goose may not paraded down Main Street.


Oxford
It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.


Paulding
A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.


Toledo
Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.


Strongsville
Catch 22 is banned.


Youngstown
Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed.


You may not run out of gas.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?
If you were a car door I would slam you all night long

dont waste any more of your time

Oklahoma Crazy Law
It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.


Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.


Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.


Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car.


Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.


No one may spit on a sidewalk.


Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.


Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)


Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.


It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.


Whaling is illegal.


Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.


Tattoos are banned.


Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)


People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.


Ada
If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.


Clinton
Molesting an automobile is illegal.


Hawthahorne
It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.


Oklahoma City
No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.


Schulter
Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.


Tulsa
You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.


Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.


Wynona
One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.


Mules may not drink out of bird baths.


Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.


Yukon
It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.


While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn.

:boid Why does an elephant have four feet? :fart

Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.

Oregon Crazy Law
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.


Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.

Dishes must drip dry.


It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.


You may not pump your own gas in service stations.


The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.


One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.


Beaverton
You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.


Eugene
It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.


It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. (Repealed in the 1970s)


Hood River
Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.


Klamath Falls
It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.


Portland
People may not whistle underwater.


It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. (Repealed in 1989)


You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.


Marion
Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.


Myrtle Creek
One may not box with a kangaroo.


Salem
Women may not wrestle in Salem.


Springfield
It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.


Stanfield
No more than two people may share a single drink.


Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms.