:moon Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? :glugglug

A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?''

Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:

''Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!''

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it. :Oh crap

:321GFY A: "*Mgplth*(choke)*gkltmpfff*!!!" :spawn

Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.

Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"

Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.

Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."

"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"

Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.

"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.

"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.

"Yes."

"Do farts have lumps?"

"No. Why do you ask."

"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants."

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber. :Buck:

:thefinger Q: Why do bald men have holes in their pants pockets? :eatmouse

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures. :sleep

:mad: Q: Why do blondes get confused in the bathroom? :karaoke

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon. :evil-laug

:evil-laug A: They have to pull their own pants down. :NopeNope

Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
You didn't?! It's all over town!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers. :ugone2far

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night.
He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE.

just checking in:thumbsup

:zzwhip A: An attachment you screw on the bed :eyecrazy

What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.

:fart Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? :disgust

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame. :hi

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!'':helpme :321GFY :ak47: :thumbsup

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba's Gamorean guards. :eatmouse

looks like I'm REALLY falling behind here

:thumbsup A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.... :Oh crap

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting a glass of water every three hours. The last section has everybody kneedeep in crap.
"Well, this doesn't look too bad -- and it beats being burned or working. I'll take the crap."

"Okay," says the devil. "Everybody back on their heads."

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

:sleep A: 10-year old crack habit. :1orglaugh

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe. :cool-as-a

What did the apple say to the worm?
You're boring me.

:Note Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? :question

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.:smokin

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.

"Holy cow! What's that smell?"

"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"

"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."

:thefinger Q: How much hair is in a girl's lap? :Oh crap

How do you make a baby drink?
Stick it in the blender.

:Kissmy A: A box full. :D

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?' The guy stammers and says, 'Um...no...um...what happened?'. The neighbor replies, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!'

:1orglaugh Q: Why were shopping carts invented? :rasta

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
So he could run his fingers through his hair!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. :thumbsup

:Kissmy Q: What do you call a 300 pound Italian girl? :sleep

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
Tear gas!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." :glugglug

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. :Graucho

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh!

:girl A: Underweight. :2 cents:

:thefinger Q: What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota? :waaaaahh

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder. :Graucho