Need some advice regarding my damn brothers... - GoFuckYourself.com

Sly · 11-20-2004, 09:40 PM

Just got off the phone with my dad. What a mess of a situation. I have 2 blood brothers, one is 17 and one is 16. My parents have been divorced for 15 years and have always had split custody, we would travel back and forth several times a week and did effectively live with both parents. The 16 year old has Muscular Dystrophy, he can't walk fully but he can walk from point-to-point and has decent mobility (I'll get back to this more later.)

As some of you know, my dad got remarried earlier this month. In all honesty, the whole dating to marriage thing was extremely quick, but I figure my dad isn't getting any younger and he's always wanted to have another kid, I'm sure that was his thought too and overall he seemed very confident and happy on the day of his wedding.

So I go back home for the wedding. At this point I knew my brothers were not getting along well with my dad but didn't know to what extent. Both of my brothers were solely living with my mom, which I didn't think was a big deal. The typical teenager running away from the "bully" situation, I've heard it before.

Go to the wedding rehearsal. I don't think my brothers said one word to my dad the whole time or vice-versa. My dad got in the occasional word but no real conversation, no joking around. It was really strange. We all end up talking about the wedding and who was giving rides where. My 17 year old brother, in his infinite wisdom, says he can't give me a ride to the reception because he isn't going. He has a "debate" for school that he "must attend", which is very strange because my other brother AND my cousin are on the same team, yet both attended the reception.

At the reception my dad was busy of course, but there was absolutely no talk between him and my 16 year old brother. None whatsoever. I just passed it off as some weird phase my brother is going through, but very poor timing.

My mom emails me today asking a couple basic questions and then says "did your dad tell you your brother was in the hospital for a couple days." I really didn't think too much of it because he was obviously feeling better. While talking to my dad tonight I asked him what the scoop was.

His phone was breaking up so it was hard to pick up everything he said, but the general idea was my brother wanted to commit suicide or he attempted suicide, I'm not really sure which. I knew he has been having some bad depression problems and he had talked about committing suicide before, but I guess I didn't know to what extent. So I need to figure out what to do about that.

But then there's the issue of them not speaking to my dad. I asked him why they aren't talking to him and he thinks its because he got remarried. And its not that my brothers don't approve of this woman, because it seems like they have no problem with her and her family, but for some reason they feel shut-out and neglected? As if my dad has taken in this woman and her son while pushing them aside, which isn't the case at all. My dad would never do that.

I guess I need to fulfill my brotherly duties and smack some sense into the 2 of them. Any advice or suggestions? I could use whatever you have!

Theo · 11-20-2004, 09:51 PM

Family members should do steps forward for the family to be united. I'm not good at advices.

Shoehorn! · 11-20-2004, 09:53 PM

About the only thing you can do is talk to him/them. When they grow up they will either understand the situation better or will be no more the wiser. Either way I don't think anyone has much control over it except themselves.

quiet · 11-20-2004, 09:59 PM

well step one would be to talk to your brother about his time in the hospital. i'd call him right now if you can.

sickkittens · 11-20-2004, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by quiet
well step one would be to talk to your brother about his time in the hospital. i'd call him right now if you can.

That might not be the best thing just bringing it up when he leasts expects it.

quiet · 11-20-2004, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sickkittens
That might not be the best thing just bringing it up when he leasts expects it.

fuck that, i'd be on the horn asap. actually, i'd be on a flight back home to him, but i'm not sure if sly is going to be able to do that at the momemt. it's also unclear as to whether he is there now, or is back home.

detoxed · 11-20-2004, 10:06 PM

Wait... so no one else in your family told you about this except for your dad??? Maybe they are part of the problem

Sly · 11-20-2004, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by quiet
well step one would be to talk to your brother about his time in the hospital. i'd call him right now if you can.

Not the greatest idea right now. I'd end up yelling at him, haha.

I don't believe in the whole "ooo let's talk about your feelings" schtick either. I believe in finding a problem, then finding the solution. I know exactly how he feels, I was there. Its very, very hard to cope with. Its not comparable to the typical teenage depression, its much worse. The only thing is when I was his age I was making a grand a week and my goals were what ended up helping me out of that hell.

So I think what I need to do is help him establish goals. Problem is everybody else that will help him established goals sets retarded stupid goals as if he should live a sub-par life. I beg to differ.

Odin88 · 11-20-2004, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by quiet
fuck that, i'd be on the horn asap. actually, i'd be on a flight back home to him, but i'm not sure if sly is going to be able to do that at the momemt. it's also unclear as to whether he is there now, or is back home.

Yep, you can't really cure the situation with your Dad and your brothers straight away, but if I where you'd I'd talk to my brothers very seriously and let them know you seriously care about them, and are absolutely always there for them no matter what they are going through or what they need. Tell them you are going to try and sort things out with your Dad, but they need to hang in there and know someone is always there for them. Take on the fatherly role with your younger brothers, believe me they will appreciate it, and in the mean-time talk to your Dad and start building up the relationship between the three again. Most importantly though, you need to make sure your brother doesn't try anything silly again, anytime soon.

Sly · 11-20-2004, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by detoxed
Wait... so no one else in your family told you about this except for your dad??? Maybe they are part of the problem

Ain't that some shit. I'm no saint, me and my mom don't have a huge open relationship, but we do get along fine.

What's REALLY strange about this whole thing is for the previous 3-4 years, my 17 year old brother wanted nothing to do with my mom. Now he flipped the tables. He's fairly popular at school and way too cocky for his own good. He also has diabetes yet refuses to monitor his blood.

sickkittens · 11-20-2004, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by quiet
fuck that, i'd be on the horn asap. actually, i'd be on a flight back home to him, but i'm not sure if sly is going to be able to do that at the momemt. it's also unclear as to whether he is there now, or is back home.

I didn't mean not talk to him at all about it, just meant not to talk right away about his time in the hospital and be forceful with something that might be sensitive.

JSA Matt · 11-20-2004, 11:24 PM

sometimes i'm glad I only have 2 people in my family that I know or care about, my mother and my sister.

good luck, what a shitty situation to be in

Sly · 11-21-2004, 11:48 AM

I just emailed my mom asking why my brothers aren't talking to my dad. We'll see what's up.

69pornlinks · 11-21-2004, 02:47 PM

and you come onto GFY for the advice

Jakke PNG · 11-21-2004, 02:51 PM

Thank god for my small family. No father, brothers or sisters. Shit is or is not between me and my mom. lol.

Hope ya get the situation sorted.

Ross · 11-21-2004, 03:50 PM

Sly, I can understand - to a certain extent - what you're going through buddy!

All I can say is be there for them, I know it must be hard trying to be the peacemaker in this situation but keep at it man, be strong for the family. It seems to me that your dad and your brother both need someone to be strong for them. It will blow over!! Trust me. But a 16 year old isn't the easiest person in the world to deal with!

Just keep at it, and I wish you the best of luck. I hope you're family can all be happy once again

11-20-2004, 09:40 PM	#1
Sly Let's do some business! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 31,318	Need some advice regarding my damn brothers... Just got off the phone with my dad. What a mess of a situation. I have 2 blood brothers, one is 17 and one is 16. My parents have been divorced for 15 years and have always had split custody, we would travel back and forth several times a week and did effectively live with both parents. The 16 year old has Muscular Dystrophy, he can't walk fully but he can walk from point-to-point and has decent mobility (I'll get back to this more later.) As some of you know, my dad got remarried earlier this month. In all honesty, the whole dating to marriage thing was extremely quick, but I figure my dad isn't getting any younger and he's always wanted to have another kid, I'm sure that was his thought too and overall he seemed very confident and happy on the day of his wedding. So I go back home for the wedding. At this point I knew my brothers were not getting along well with my dad but didn't know to what extent. Both of my brothers were solely living with my mom, which I didn't think was a big deal. The typical teenager running away from the "bully" situation, I've heard it before. Go to the wedding rehearsal. I don't think my brothers said one word to my dad the whole time or vice-versa. My dad got in the occasional word but no real conversation, no joking around. It was really strange. We all end up talking about the wedding and who was giving rides where. My 17 year old brother, in his infinite wisdom, says he can't give me a ride to the reception because he isn't going. He has a "debate" for school that he "must attend", which is very strange because my other brother AND my cousin are on the same team, yet both attended the reception. At the reception my dad was busy of course, but there was absolutely no talk between him and my 16 year old brother. None whatsoever. I just passed it off as some weird phase my brother is going through, but very poor timing. My mom emails me today asking a couple basic questions and then says "did your dad tell you your brother was in the hospital for a couple days." I really didn't think too much of it because he was obviously feeling better. While talking to my dad tonight I asked him what the scoop was. His phone was breaking up so it was hard to pick up everything he said, but the general idea was my brother wanted to commit suicide or he attempted suicide, I'm not really sure which. I knew he has been having some bad depression problems and he had talked about committing suicide before, but I guess I didn't know to what extent. So I need to figure out what to do about that. But then there's the issue of them not speaking to my dad. I asked him why they aren't talking to him and he thinks its because he got remarried. And its not that my brothers don't approve of this woman, because it seems like they have no problem with her and her family, but for some reason they feel shut-out and neglected? As if my dad has taken in this woman and her son while pushing them aside, which isn't the case at all. My dad would never do that. I guess I need to fulfill my brotherly duties and smack some sense into the 2 of them. Any advice or suggestions? I could use whatever you have! __________________ Vacares - Web Hosting, Domains, O365, Security & More - Paxum and BTC Accepted Windows VPS now available - 3 months free for GFY members - 3 slots available Great for TSS, Nifty Stats, remote work, virtual assistants, etc. Click here for more details.

11-20-2004, 09:53 PM	#3
Shoehorn! Die With Your Boots On Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Hawaii Posts: 22,872	About the only thing you can do is talk to him/them. When they grow up they will either understand the situation better or will be no more the wiser. Either way I don't think anyone has much control over it except themselves. __________________

11-20-2004, 09:59 PM	#4
quiet we'll miss you our friend. RIP Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Fernie, BC Posts: 25,115	well step one would be to talk to your brother about his time in the hospital. i'd call him right now if you can. __________________ we'll miss you our friend. RIP

11-21-2004, 11:48 AM	#13
Sly Let's do some business! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 31,318	I just emailed my mom asking why my brothers aren't talking to my dad. We'll see what's up. __________________ Vacares - Web Hosting, Domains, O365, Security & More - Paxum and BTC Accepted Windows VPS now available - 3 months free for GFY members - 3 slots available Great for TSS, Nifty Stats, remote work, virtual assistants, etc. Click here for more details.

11-21-2004, 02:47 PM	#14
69pornlinks Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Heranus Posts: 5,560	and you come onto GFY for the advice __________________ It IS what it IS

11-20-2004, 09:51 PM	#2
Theo HAL 9000 Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 34,515	Family members should do steps forward for the family to be united. I'm not good at advices.

11-20-2004, 10:06 PM	#7
detoxed vip member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 17,798	Wait... so no one else in your family told you about this except for your dad??? Maybe they are part of the problem

11-20-2004, 11:24 PM	#12
JSA Matt So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 5,464	sometimes i'm glad I only have 2 people in my family that I know or care about, my mother and my sister. good luck, what a shitty situation to be in

11-21-2004, 02:51 PM	#15
Jakke PNG ex-TeenGodFather Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Suomi Finland Perkele Posts: 20,306	Thank god for my small family. No father, brothers or sisters. Shit is or is not between me and my mom. lol. Hope ya get the situation sorted. __________________ ..and I'm off.

11-21-2004, 03:50 PM	#16
Ross Ik ben een aap Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Traffic Force Towers, Canada! Posts: 18,874	Sly, I can understand - to a certain extent - what you're going through buddy! All I can say is be there for them, I know it must be hard trying to be the peacemaker in this situation but keep at it man, be strong for the family. It seems to me that your dad and your brother both need someone to be strong for them. It will blow over!! Trust me. But a 16 year old isn't the easiest person in the world to deal with! Just keep at it, and I wish you the best of luck. I hope you're family can all be happy once again