Taylor Rain and the Dog's Bollocks

[TruckStopProductions]

Taylor Rain is about to make me throw up...seriously.

It's pretty early in the morning by New York standards or late in the day by L.A. time but that doesn't stop her from bouncing off the walls of the green room inside the Howard Stern Show.

Her entourage, comprised of a totally cool civilian stoner and the Lenny half of Astrux, watch the lithe beauty bounce around in the tiny Nectar outfit and sex goddess bitch boots she plans on wearing on air. Only smoking weed seems to calm her down, but it is completely pissing off one of the interns who is such a moog he keeps storming in to remind us that this isn't a rock concert in L.A.- as if that would be a bad thing.

I'm there with Aurora Snow, exhausted from no sleep, and even though we are a little bit late they are making a huge deal out of it. Last time we waited for over an hour before going on but this time the HSS producer is blowing up my phone until we get there and when Aurora stops to use the bathroom Gary, who is wearing a tuxedo t-shirt, just about has a melt down.

We get into the green room to find my sexy arch nemesis Renee Pornero, who is completely shocked to see me, plus Kami Andrews from Extreme and Taylor. There is another girl there named Raylene something or other, not the one who used to be with Vivid and sells real estate now, but I don't know her. Howard claims she has only done two movies, one for Mayhem and another for a similar gonzo company.

All of the girls are competing against each other for the chance to win $5,000 but instead of being hahahahas about it, they all smile and laugh and encourage one another. The gag is called the Porn Star Beauty Pageant, but Aurora points out right away that it is not a pageant so much as a contest. Each of the girls have had clips of what they sound like doing something hardcore during sex on film played on the Stern Show. Aurora's is called the duck clip, from a Gag Factor face fuck movie she made. Taylor makes whining noises while getting fucked in the ass. Kami barks during one shoot and gargle during another. Raylene cries. I don't remember what Rene does. All I know is she keeps teasing me with her ass and I keep threatening to spank it. The way her pants ride low on her hips and keep sliding down in front with the weight of the battery pack she is wearing tugging at them is distracting me.

Kami impressed the hell out me on the show. Besides being funny and handling herself well, she let one of the guys from the show spit on her. I guess she signed with the right company after all.

Aurora impressed me as well, but she always does. You can take Aurora anywhere and feel comfortable about how she will behave. She got the Sin City plug in even if she refused to wear the t-shirt.

Taylor was funny as hell, talking about how she just smoked a bowl before she came on the show and dropping mad F-Bombs while they hit the delay button and chastised her. Taylor Rain will always be Taylor Motherfuckin' Rain no matter what venue you take her to.

Some of the girls brought things to give away to people who work for the show. Some brought movies. Aurora brought t-shirts from Sin City and Mayhem. Taylor brought her HUSTLER article, well written by Scott Fayner I might add, 'signed' with her dog's paw print. Bandit is mentioned in the article. She also brought along two sealed containers with her dog's testicles in them to give to Howard on air. She kept pulling them out until I wanted to fucking puke.

"You're fucked up!" I told her but she just laughed at me.

She told me that they are real and that she brought them out from Los Angeles with her. Her civie tells her that he agrees with me. She's being fucking gross.

"I'm going to write about you on my site and tell everyone how gross you are," I warn her.

"Go ahead," she tells me. She is having a blast. She strips down to her stripper hot pants, also with Nectar emblazoned across the ass, and runs back into the other room.

The Pageant happened and Taylor won, beating out Aurora by a slim two points for flashing her tits and making out with Rene Pornero. No one was mad. Everyone had a good time. I listened to the show from the green room with the other "handlers," as I like to refer to myself, and it was pretty fucking funny.

In the end Howard refused to take the Bandit's testicles. For all I know they could still be up in the green room. One of the girls mentioned to me later that Taylor might sell them on Ebay.

You may be hot Taylor but that doesn't mean you are right, dawg.

Oh, and congrats on the $5,000 win.

And for all you motherfuckers out there who constantly whine that I only cut and paste AP or slap together press releases, have a nice weekend, you ungrateful bastards. It's not like you ever give up love for any of the free shit you get anyway.

[Tim]

Not sure about all that but I like Taylor

[mrthumbs]

TR is my favorite!!

[pornguy]

Um. well ok, and thanks for that usless info.

[slapass]