HOLY SHIT, i CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP...BIGGER TOILET SEATS FOR FATASS AMERICANS

[Shaddam IV]

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_ho.../26133631.html

Big John popular far, wide

Responding to big demand, plumber comes up with toilet fit for king
By PAUL HARASIM
REVIEW-JOURNAL

Like Shakespeare, Gigi Shinn understands that buttocks are not all created equal.

While Shakespeare had a character in "All's Well That Ends Well" search for an imagined chair "that fits all buttocks; the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock," Shinn, in decidedly American parlance, simply searched for a throne that fit "big butts."

This week, the search ended for Shinn, who markets thrones for bathrooms. The showroom manager for Kelly's Pipe & Supply has what she is sure will be, well, the royal flush of 21st century American plumbing: the Big John Toilet Seat.

"It's an idea whose time has come," she said, displaying the seat that at 19 inches across is a full 5 inches wider than the seats most Americans use. "Let's face it: Americans are getting bigger."

Yes, despite all the best-selling diet books on the market, we continue to swell. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, since 1960 the average adult American is about one inch taller -- a little more than 5 feet 9 inches for men and 5 feet 4 inches for women -- but a whopping 25 pounds heavier.

With the average American man now weighing 191 pounds and the average American woman tipping the scales at 164 pounds, the bottom line is clear: The bottom lines of many Americans are growing so fast that architects and designers are scrambling to keep up.

In an attempt to stop verbal battles and fistfights on the New York City subway, old scoop seats are being done away with in favor of a flat bench, which eliminates overlap. New seats at Boston's Fenway Park grew four and five inches in width, from their old 14 inch width (the average toilet seat size). Airbus brags its latest airliner will have wider seats than Boeing's newest plane.

And now, courtesy of Los Angeles plumber Aitan Levy, who saw manufacturers churning out bigger beds, tubs, couches and clothing for Americans, comes Big John Toilet Seats.

"They are bringing stability and comfort to the millions of people forced to perch on under-sized seats designed 100 years ago by Charles A. Church," Levy said.

"Let's face it, why would anyone squeeze into coach when they could ease into first class?"

Katherine Olsen and her husband, Doug, of northwest Las Vegas, feel the same way. They purchased one over the Internet -- until recently the year-old toilet seats were only marketed over the Web -- and they plan to buy four more for their other bathrooms.

"My husband likes to read for about 45 minutes at a time in the bathroom while he is waiting, and he always complained of lower back pain after," she said. "Now he can sit there and wait and read and suffer no back pain at all. It's been a godsend."

Katherine Olsen said it has also had "tremendous health benefits" for her.

"I used to really suffer from constipation," she said. "This new seat really helps me to relax because I'm not so tight. It relieves the pressure in the lower back area, and my muscles are able to work. It allows for more of a drop."

Levy, who has a patent pending on the seat that has "already sold in the thousands around the country," said he first came up with the idea for a bigger toilet seat about eight years ago, but he didn't have the money to build a prototype.

"People would come into my plumbing store showroom and ask if I didn't have something bigger," he said. "Women, in particular, said their circulation was cut off by small toilet seats."

Finally, a friend, Gary Morgan, put up the money to help Levy make his dream of "a better bathroom saddle" a reality.

"We used a Hollywood casting director to find models for us to try out the seat," Levy said. "They would walk in the restroom and try it out. They'd have to take their pants down, but they wouldn't have to use it. It was worth paying the models to get just the right design."

The price for the seat, which comes in many colors, is $120. If it really sells, Levy realizes his name could become as big as that of Samuel Crapper, whose plumbing work during the late 1800s and early 1900s made him a legend among British royalty and American servicemen returning from World War I.

To Olsen, a retired character actress who has performed in movies that include "Dancing with Danger" and in TV roles on "All My Children," " Murder She Wrote," and "Baywatch," Levy's contributions to plumbing outweigh anything done by Crapper.

"The Big John has given me so much relief," she said. "I no longer feel like I'm in a bind so much."

[DutchTeenCash]

do I care?

[hydro]

It's about time, im not fat. Just big boneded

[Evil Jawa]

It allows for more of a drop.

I'm going to start using that. "I gotta go make a drop".

[directfiesta]

They are follwing with the " McBig John Toilet Seat "....

( comes with the burgers ...)

[Froey Twe]

they also have tolilets for midgets

[Manowar]

[ADL_JD]

Yeah - so what, Americans are Fat, Rich and Happy.

US also has the best looking people too - I have been around a decent part of the world to confirm this.

***

[~Ray]

the average American man now weighing 191 pounds and the average American woman tipping the scales at 164 pounds,

wow... I remember when 191 lbs was a bigger man than most other men.

~Ray

[Furious_Male]

Leno had a field day with this last week as well.

[ArkansasDave]

The Hummer of toilet seats

[AaronM]

Letterman had a show several years ago where kids came on with various inventions. One of them had this same idea.

[Platinumpimp]

Originally Posted by ADL_JD

Yeah - so what, Americans are Fat, Rich and Happy.

US also has the best looking people too - I have been around a decent part of the world to confirm this.

***

[Screaming]

wow how sad