Wives, I don't know why you put up with this shit from your husbands

[CDSmith]

Two buddies, Joe and Mike, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly
Mike throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"

Joe says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket,
tell her that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for
the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Mike rolls into home and Jane starts to give him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're
disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Mike says, "Nowainaminit, I
can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla
drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and
he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave
me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks."

"Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

[Trixxxia]

OMG that was a true laugh out loud for me! heeheheh

[CDSmith]

A young woman was in a bar one evening, and soon became distressed to
see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her.

"Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like t'get into those pants o'yours."

"Thanks," she shot back, "but I've already got an asshole in there."

[CDSmith]

Oh God no....


After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking
around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the night
stand by the bed.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he
inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."