So I tried to start a fight with Santa today, sorta. - GoFuckYourself.com

jimthefiend · 12-22-2005, 05:01 PM

I walk in to Best Buy, with the kid in tow. Theres this fat fuck in a mothy red parka and sweat pants who reaked of cheap wine standing next to the door ringing a bell over an ashtray looking thingy.

Even Katy (whos 6) is rolling her eyes. I drop a ten into his bucket (out of sheer guilt that I am about to spend 200 bucks on the Power Rangers boxed set for my kid just for the helluva it) and we go in and do our shopping.

On the way out, Mr Stinky Clause is still there and FUCKING BELCHES as we walk by.

Katy, exasperated; exclaims "Daddy!!!" in disgust.

I turn to Santa and say: "Learn some manners fatass".

For like a milisecond, he gets an uppity look in his eyes. I stand there.

It's like that stand off at the end of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Really.

But then the sound of my daughter tapping her little foot breaks the impasse and saves Santa from being brutally murdered by having a large bag of DVDS smashed across the side of his head. He lowers his eyes in submission and thus is allowed to live.

The End, Santa is a pussy.

wdsguy · 12-22-2005, 05:02 PM

where were his elf bodyguards?

C_U_Next_Tuesday · 12-22-2005, 05:07 PM

Should have beat him up and took back your $10..he was going to use it to buy some mad dog and expose himself to school children later .

Doctor Dre · 12-22-2005, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wdsguy

where were his elf bodyguards?

Currently filming the next Bad Santa movie

Loryn · 12-22-2005, 05:25 PM

Every post in this thread is funny!

Donny · 12-22-2005, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimthefiend

The End, Santa is a pussy.

Yep. And your children learn the valuable lesson that daddy's a stud and can intimidate drunk Santas. That's important for a child to know. They also must definitely know that others must be submissive or face wrath. I instruct my son about that very fact every morning.

[/end sarcasm]

Damn, dude... do humans ever think about setting proper examples anymore?

detoxed · 12-22-2005, 05:29 PM

He should have murdered you in front of your child.

je_rome · 12-22-2005, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Dre

Currently filming the next Bad Santa movie

Santa is up for another heist. Well, it only happens once year.

chadglni · 12-22-2005, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonovanPhillips

Damn, dude... do humans ever think about setting proper examples anymore?

I'm so sick and tired of stupid ass people that I consider not putting up with bullshit from anyone the proper example to set. Society has turned into an amazing pile of shit and these people need their collective asses handed to them on a daily basis.

Donny · 12-22-2005, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chadglni

I'm so sick and tired of stupid ass people that I consider not putting up with bullshit from anyone the proper example to set. Society has turned into an amazing pile of shit and these people need their collective asses handed to them on a daily basis.

So in other words since everyone else behaves badly the proper thing to do is show our children that they should do the same thing?

Rob · 12-22-2005, 05:47 PM

Nothing says, "Fuck you!" better than a 62" plasma smashed over your head!

You should have kicked Santa's ass in HiDef!

jimthefiend · 12-22-2005, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonovanPhillips

Yep. And your children learn the valuable lesson that daddy's a stud and can intimidate drunk Santas. That's important for a child to know. They also must definitely know that others must be submissive or face wrath. I instruct my son about that very fact every morning.

[/end sarcasm]

Damn, dude... do humans ever think about setting proper examples anymore?

My daughter has known since day ONE that no such moronic myth as Santa existed.

The examples set for my child are a little more complex than being merely guilt motivated. Guilt is a fucking cancer.

chadglni · 12-22-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonovanPhillips

So in other words since everyone else behaves badly the proper thing to do is show our children that they should do the same thing?

Nah, the proper example to set it to let every idiot get away with anything because you don't want to stoop to their level.

P.S. I'm so glad my dad has a no bullshit attitude so I never grew into a pussy.

jimthefiend · 12-22-2005, 05:50 PM

This is the joke. Once a fucking year we get all up in arms and think that tossing a few bucks into a bucket in front of Wal-Mart, or into some whiny bitches paypal account will somehow make us better people and dissipate the "sins" we've committed in the prior 11 months.

Gimme a fucking break.

Rob · 12-22-2005, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimthefiend

My daughter has known since day ONE that no such moronic myth as Santa existed.

The examples set for my child are a little more complex than being merely guilt motivated. Guilt is a fucking cancer.

Careful though, Jim. There is a mighty fine line between guilt and conscience.

Rob · 12-22-2005, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chadglni

P.S. I'm so glad my dad has a no bullshit attitude so I never grew into a pussy.

Amen!!!!

nofx · 12-22-2005, 05:52 PM

you should have given him a beer

reynold · 12-22-2005, 05:56 PM

You could have changed the course Christmas history then but you didn't..

jimthefiend · 12-22-2005, 05:57 PM

I'm gonna be USEFUL and give some 5ths of whiskey to bums this year.

I'll take pics.

Donny · 12-22-2005, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chadglni

Nah, the proper example to set it to let every idiot get away with anything because you don't want to stoop to their level.

P.S. I'm so glad my dad has a no bullshit attitude so I never grew into a pussy.

Teach your child that bad behavior should be met with more bad behavior. I like it! Great idea! They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery...

Rob · 12-23-2005, 12:05 AM

So Jim, you dropped your daughter off and drove back to the store to beat Santa's ass, right?

Don't let me down bro.

chadglni · 12-23-2005, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonovanPhillips

Teach your child that bad behavior should be met with more bad behavior. I like it! Great idea! They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery...

No like I said, I'll teach them to put up with any amount of shit from anyone so they don't have to stoop to that level. It's the proper (gay, retarded, pussy) thing to do.

dropped9 · 12-23-2005, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob

So Jim, you dropped your daughter off and drove back to the store to beat Santa's ass, right?

Don't let me down bro.

Of course he did. Jim is the most outstanding person I've ever known.

NOT

12-22-2005, 05:01 PM	#1
jimthefiend So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: icq: 121189 Posts: 18,889	So I tried to start a fight with Santa today, sorta. I walk in to Best Buy, with the kid in tow. Theres this fat fuck in a mothy red parka and sweat pants who reaked of cheap wine standing next to the door ringing a bell over an ashtray looking thingy. Even Katy (whos 6) is rolling her eyes. I drop a ten into his bucket (out of sheer guilt that I am about to spend 200 bucks on the Power Rangers boxed set for my kid just for the helluva it) and we go in and do our shopping. On the way out, Mr Stinky Clause is still there and FUCKING BELCHES as we walk by. Katy, exasperated; exclaims "Daddy!!!" in disgust. I turn to Santa and say: "Learn some manners fatass". For like a milisecond, he gets an uppity look in his eyes. I stand there. It's like that stand off at the end of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Really. But then the sound of my daughter tapping her little foot breaks the impasse and saves Santa from being brutally murdered by having a large bag of DVDS smashed across the side of his head. He lowers his eyes in submission and thus is allowed to live. The End, Santa is a pussy.

12-22-2005, 05:25 PM	#5
Loryn Super Connector Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 12,853	Every post in this thread is funny! __________________ ~ loryn@loryntaylor . com ~ RIP TD

12-22-2005, 05:47 PM	#11
Rob I'm a great bowler. Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Right Outside of Normal. Posts: 13,309	Nothing says, "Fuck you!" better than a 62" plasma smashed over your head! You should have kicked Santa's ass in HiDef! __________________

12-22-2005, 05:52 PM	#17
nofx Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Virgin Mary's womb Posts: 16,826	you should have given him a beer __________________ Often times I wonder why There's love and hate, theres live or die. When sickness comes I must decide: When feelings go, theres suicide.

12-23-2005, 12:05 AM	#21
Rob I'm a great bowler. Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Right Outside of Normal. Posts: 13,309	So Jim, you dropped your daughter off and drove back to the store to beat Santa's ass, right? Don't let me down bro. __________________

12-22-2005, 05:02 PM	#2
wdsguy Ryde or Die Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: California-Shanghai Posts: 19,568	where were his elf bodyguards?

12-22-2005, 05:07 PM	#3
C_U_Next_Tuesday WW4L Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: over the river and through the woods Posts: 10,581	Should have beat him up and took back your $10..he was going to use it to buy some mad dog and expose himself to school children later .

12-22-2005, 05:29 PM	#7
detoxed vip member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 17,798	He should have murdered you in front of your child.

12-22-2005, 05:50 PM	#14
jimthefiend So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: icq: 121189 Posts: 18,889	This is the joke. Once a fucking year we get all up in arms and think that tossing a few bucks into a bucket in front of Wal-Mart, or into some whiny bitches paypal account will somehow make us better people and dissipate the "sins" we've committed in the prior 11 months. Gimme a fucking break.

12-22-2005, 05:56 PM	#18
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	You could have changed the course Christmas history then but you didn't..

12-22-2005, 05:57 PM	#19
jimthefiend So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: icq: 121189 Posts: 18,889	I'm gonna be USEFUL and give some 5ths of whiskey to bums this year. I'll take pics.