Stop being such a oussy, beat your kids - GoFuckYourself.com

The Duck · 06-02-2006, 01:26 PM

How come everyone today is too much of a pussy to smack their kids around? That's what I want to know: why are parents afraid to beat their kids? When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass. We didn't have a conversation about it. I didn't have a "time out." In fact, I've never even once been grounded in my life. What's the point? Send your kid to his room and make him play video games and read comic books all day? Great idea, why don't you take him to a psychiatrist while you're at it so she can pull some disorder out of her ass to hide the fact that you're a bad parent?

Kids today need a good beating every now and then. If you don't beat your kids when they fall out of line, the next thing you know your son will go off and bang some dude in the ass just out of spite. You tell them to clean their room, they say "no," you smack them. It's simple; it works. Don't listen to these assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble; if they had it their way, every child would be raised in a pastel colored room with Philip Glass pumped through the speakers 24 hours a day. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich.

The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they get a skewed perspective of reality where they start thinking that they have it rough and that they can get away with dying their hair and listening to Insane Clown Posse. That's where you need to come in and put the law down. To help you, the negligent parent, I've put together a guide to smacking your kids for your convenience (hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here are some useful techniques:

Five across the eyes. This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won't get a stinging effect. Very important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy.

The sucker punch. Just ask the question "hey, what's that on your shirt?" and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of.

The yard stick. Or for those of you who don't use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as "the meter stick." This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn't last beyond three or four good whacks--usually enough to send the message.

The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with "she might be pregnant..." or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.

The Dragon Kick. If you're interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered.

The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which.

The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you're driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect.

The cane intercept. If you're too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who's boss.

There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me.

Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. If they don't like it, they can move out. If you love your kids, love them enough to beat them so that they don't grow up to be idiots.

madawgz · 06-02-2006, 02:55 PM

uhhhh, there is other things you can do to make your kids listen to you...

The Duck · 06-02-2006, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madawgz

uhhhh, there is other things you can do to make your kids listen to you...

Like what? talk to them? who cares what they have to say, you are the boss.

flashbang · 06-02-2006, 03:40 PM

I got the yard stick, it works

flashbang · 06-02-2006, 03:40 PM

I got the yard stick, it works

OG LennyT · 06-02-2006, 03:41 PM

Quote:

When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass.

..and look what kind of adult you've become.

Point well made thank you.

RhiannonAPM · 06-02-2006, 03:45 PM

Smack on the bottom every once in a while when they know better but nothing more then that!

PornChick · 06-02-2006, 03:52 PM

Why do you like to Copy And Paste Articles from the Net,

here is the original Article http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat

This guy just need attention

pussyluver · 06-02-2006, 03:52 PM

That was way to much to read, so I didn't! Sorry.

I'd use a different phrase though such as spank or corporal punishment. Would sound more palatable.

I don't think kids should be beat. Spanked? Perhaps.

2HousePlague · 06-02-2006, 03:54 PM

Fear works, too.

2hp

yota71 · 06-02-2006, 03:57 PM

I make my kids watch while I beat adults, they deserve it more. They don't come out of the closet much, But their good kids.......

The Duck · 06-02-2006, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornChick

Why do you like to Copy And Paste Articles from the Net,

here is the original Article http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat

This guy just need attention

no shit its copied, you think I wrote all of that myself exclusively for gfy?

I appreciate you took the time to google it and make a post about it just to make the point though

to you.

SgtStrider · 06-02-2006, 05:35 PM

Man, my dad used a leather belt on my ass and my mom used a ping pong paddle w/ holes drilled in that fucker. And to this day, still no criminal record.

Trust me my kids WILL get and take a beating.

biftek · 06-02-2006, 08:00 PM

my old man used to do the open handed slap on the ass
until i made the mistake of laughing at him and saying it didn't hurt , that's when the belt came out

no crim record , i was never out roaming the streets at all hours of the night causing trouble

now tht i am older , i look a family with young kid , when he stuffs up , its off to timeout for him but that doesn't change anything , the only thing that will help the kid is a trip out bush and a bullet

MaddCaz · 06-02-2006, 08:22 PM

an oussy eh???

L0rdJuni0r · 06-02-2006, 08:25 PM

i spank my kids if they be bad but i sit down and talk to them so they understand why i spanked them. I also reward them when they are good too

Matt 26z · 06-02-2006, 08:52 PM

People still spank their kids, just not in public view. My mom used to smack me upside the head right in the middle of the store, and I deserved it too.

A lot of people claim to have been abused as kids, but I must wonder what they did to deserve it. Probably something! They just don't remember what they did after all these years, only the punishment.

06-02-2006, 01:26 PM	#1
The Duck Adult Content Provider Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Europe Posts: 18,243	Stop being such a oussy, beat your kids How come everyone today is too much of a pussy to smack their kids around? That's what I want to know: why are parents afraid to beat their kids? When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass. We didn't have a conversation about it. I didn't have a "time out." In fact, I've never even once been grounded in my life. What's the point? Send your kid to his room and make him play video games and read comic books all day? Great idea, why don't you take him to a psychiatrist while you're at it so she can pull some disorder out of her ass to hide the fact that you're a bad parent? Kids today need a good beating every now and then. If you don't beat your kids when they fall out of line, the next thing you know your son will go off and bang some dude in the ass just out of spite. You tell them to clean their room, they say "no," you smack them. It's simple; it works. Don't listen to these assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble; if they had it their way, every child would be raised in a pastel colored room with Philip Glass pumped through the speakers 24 hours a day. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich. The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they get a skewed perspective of reality where they start thinking that they have it rough and that they can get away with dying their hair and listening to Insane Clown Posse. That's where you need to come in and put the law down. To help you, the negligent parent, I've put together a guide to smacking your kids for your convenience (hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here are some useful techniques: Five across the eyes. This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won't get a stinging effect. Very important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy. The sucker punch. Just ask the question "hey, what's that on your shirt?" and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of. The yard stick. Or for those of you who don't use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as "the meter stick." This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn't last beyond three or four good whacks--usually enough to send the message. The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings. The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with "she might be pregnant..." or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up. The Dragon Kick. If you're interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered. The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which. The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you're driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect. The cane intercept. If you're too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who's boss. There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me. Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. If they don't like it, they can move out. If you love your kids, love them enough to beat them so that they don't grow up to be idiots. __________________ Skype Horusmaia ICQ 41555245 Email [email protected] Last edited by The Duck; 06-02-2006 at 01:27 PM..

06-02-2006, 02:55 PM	#2
madawgz 8.8.8.8 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noordermarkt Posts: 30,509	uhhhh, there is other things you can do to make your kids listen to you... __________________ TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

06-02-2006, 03:45 PM	#7
RhiannonAPM Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 728	Smack on the bottom every once in a while when they know better but nothing more then that! __________________ ICQ---257-820-736

06-02-2006, 03:52 PM	#8
PornChick Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: South Beach Posts: 191	Why do you like to Copy And Paste Articles from the Net, here is the original Article http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat This guy just need attention __________________ PornChick [email protected]

06-02-2006, 03:54 PM	#10
2HousePlague CURATOR Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: the attic Posts: 14,572	Fear works, too. 2hp __________________ tada!

06-02-2006, 03:40 PM	#4
flashbang Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 767	I got the yard stick, it works

06-02-2006, 03:52 PM	#9
pussyluver Clueless OleMan Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: ICQ - 169903487 Posts: 11,009	That was way to much to read, so I didn't! Sorry. I'd use a different phrase though such as spank or corporal punishment. Would sound more palatable. I don't think kids should be beat. Spanked? Perhaps.

06-02-2006, 03:57 PM	#11
yota71 Porn Blogger Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 822	I make my kids watch while I beat adults, they deserve it more. They don't come out of the closet much, But their good kids....... __________________ ICQ-307696001 kingfisher.kj [at] gmail.com

06-02-2006, 05:35 PM	#13
SgtStrider Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Your moms house! Posts: 1,196	Man, my dad used a leather belt on my ass and my mom used a ping pong paddle w/ holes drilled in that fucker. And to this day, still no criminal record. Trust me my kids WILL get and take a beating. __________________ 5% Webmaster Referrals - 45% Payouts - Exclusive Content Sgt Strider http://www.JustJassie.com [email protected] ICQ: 227-437-902

06-02-2006, 08:00 PM	#14
biftek So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 1,030	my old man used to do the open handed slap on the ass until i made the mistake of laughing at him and saying it didn't hurt , that's when the belt came out no crim record , i was never out roaming the streets at all hours of the night causing trouble now tht i am older , i look a family with young kid , when he stuffs up , its off to timeout for him but that doesn't change anything , the only thing that will help the kid is a trip out bush and a bullet

06-02-2006, 08:22 PM	#15
MaddCaz Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Illinois Posts: 9,483	an oussy eh??? __________________ BigCocks.com - MatureWomen.com - Tranny.com - DrunkGirls.com - TeenGirls.com - MonsterCock.com and many more... Click here to see them all!

06-02-2006, 08:25 PM	#16
L0rdJuni0r Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Cancun, Mexico Posts: 5,883	i spank my kids if they be bad but i sit down and talk to them so they understand why i spanked them. I also reward them when they are good too __________________ Affordable video and picture editing. junior[at]jampackproductions[DOT]com ICQ: 605429331

06-02-2006, 08:52 PM	#17
Matt 26z So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: ¤ª"˜¨๑۩۞۩๑¨˜"ª¤ Posts: 18,481	People still spank their kids, just not in public view. My mom used to smack me upside the head right in the middle of the store, and I deserved it too. A lot of people claim to have been abused as kids, but I must wonder what they did to deserve it. Probably something! They just don't remember what they did after all these years, only the punishment.