Actual Customer Letter # 968 - GoFuckYourself.com

juliocrockett · 05-25-2007, 02:50 PM

From Stockroom.com's Actual Customer Letter series:

No kidding, every letter of the series is excerpted from actual customer letters we've received over the years. :-)

Funny stuff.

Anyone else got any gems laying around? Framed?

Full series is here.

CosmicTang · 05-25-2007, 02:55 PM

priceless.

Iron Fist · 05-25-2007, 02:59 PM

That's awesome!

juliocrockett · 05-25-2007, 03:00 PM

This one is definitely one of my favorites. I wish I could scan the whole letter onto here, as it was an epic adventure of humiliation, 3-ways, and NASCAR fandom. :-)

footmonkey · 05-25-2007, 03:01 PM

If I knew what a CB2000 was I'd probably be disgusted, lol.

geedub · 05-25-2007, 03:03 PM

baahahhaha goood stuff.. the best email i ever seen, i wont disclose where it came from but this guy was claiming to have seen his mother on twoinherbutt.com anyways he wanted her contact info cas he hadnt seen mommy in 5 years... man im sure it was just some perv wanting to stalk a model, but if that was real.. id hang myself

Scott McD · 05-25-2007, 03:09 PM

Funny shit...

woj · 05-25-2007, 03:11 PM

good stuff there

juliocrockett · 05-25-2007, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footmonkey

If I knew what a CB2000 was I'd probably be disgusted, lol.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... the CB-2000!

Fap · 05-25-2007, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juliocrockett

Ladies and Gentlemen.... the CB-2000!

Dear god why

JP513 · 05-25-2007, 03:39 PM

Julio....mad props for some totally funny letters . . . but no way do I believe this isn't staged.

So in the spirit of good-natured ribbing, I say unto thee:

juliocrockett · 05-25-2007, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JP513

Julio....mad props for some totally funny letters . . . but no way do I believe this isn't staged.

So in the spirit of good-natured ribbing, I say unto thee:

Oh man.... I wish it was!

If anyone wants to stop by the Stockroom offices, I can show you the originals. With postmarked envelopes, little lipstick kisses, and home-brewed happy customer PICTURES.

In other news, those Penn and Teller boys bother me. The fat guy eats way too much meat and all I can think of when I look at him is how heinous his meaty poops must be coming out the back door. It's difficult to focus on the jokes when I can't get over was a big 'ol meaty meatball that guy is. And I've heard that he's an asshole in real life, but that's another story. It's really the meat poops that freak me out.

tony286 · 05-25-2007, 03:45 PM

I always find those hand written notes too weird.

JP513 · 05-25-2007, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juliocrockett

Oh man.... I wish it was!

If anyone wants to stop by the Stockroom offices, I can show you the originals. With postmarked envelopes, little lipstick kisses, and home-brewed happy customer PICTURES.

I don't KNOW, JuliO! I know you have the letters, but anybody could have written them. However, I'm willing to be proven wrong. Next time I'm in L.A., I may just take you up on your offer and come see for myself . . . until then, I'm thinking bullshit.

Am I invited to come there and have a look for myself, and if I'm a believer I'll post on GFY that JP513 was wrong????

juliocrockett · 05-25-2007, 03:50 PM

Sir, I shall make you a believer!!!

You are absolutely invited. Come on down. We can brew some coffee and I can read you another 100 awesome letters that didn't make the cut.

To Clarify: for legal reasons and due to our own extremely protective privacy policy, we had to rewrite the letters in our own handwriting and remove the names to protect the identity of the authors. The letter are, however, WORD FOR WORD, excerpts of ACTUAL CUSTOMER LETTERS that are sitting in my filing cabinet RIGHT NOW. Inches away from my elbow, on my right. No shit.

And yes, most of them are handwritten and we have done our best to emulate the actual hand of the writing. :-) Good times!

JP513 · 05-25-2007, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juliocrockett

To Clarify: for legal reasons and due to our own extremely protective privacy policy, we had to rewrite the letters in our own handwriting

This is why I called you out. I looked at 5 "letters" and I knew they were created by you. Too much consistency to be real letters from real people with similar handwriting (that masquerades as different handwriting

) for it to be believed.

Why does the law require you to rewrite them? Couldn't you just remove the names in photoshop and leave the original documents in?

OK . . . you're on--if I remember I will contact you when I am in LA. but if we brew coffee, I'll have to take a humanshit!

Maybe we can drink hard liquor?

Screaming · 05-25-2007, 03:58 PM

those are killer

JP513 · 05-25-2007, 04:02 PM

This is funny, letter 9671orglaugh

juliocrockett · 05-25-2007, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JP513

Why does the law require you to rewrite them? Couldn't you just remove the names in photoshop and leave the original documents in?

The Stockroom is known for our incredible service, high quality, and DISCREET handling of all of our customers affairs. We wanted to be sure that none of our customers felt violated or exposed by even the crazy possibility of someone recognizing their handwriting. And believe me, some of these folks have some pretty unique and memorable penmanship.

Chris · 05-25-2007, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JP513

This is why I called you out. I looked at 5 "letters" and I knew they were created by you. Too much consistency to be real letters from real people with similar handwriting (that masquerades as different handwriting

) for it to be believed.

Why does the law require you to rewrite them? Couldn't you just remove the names in photoshop and leave the original documents in?

OK . . . you're on--if I remember I will contact you when I am in LA. but if we brew coffee, I'll have to take a humanshit!

Maybe we can drink hard liquor?

wow
you're clueless
it's kinda cute :P

you should see some of the mail we get LOL

JP513 · 05-25-2007, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juliocrockett

The Stockroom is known for our incredible service, high quality, and DISCREET handling of all of our customers affairs. We wanted to be sure that none of our customers felt violated or exposed by even the crazy possibility of someone recognizing their handwriting. And believe me, some of these folks have some pretty unique and memorable penmanship.

fair enough

JP513 · 05-25-2007, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

wow
you're clueless

excuse me?

TonyL · 05-25-2007, 04:55 PM

Dude seriously! That's to funny. The CB2000 LOL! Poor guy had it on for an entire year? How the hell does that work? hahahah!

TampaToker · 05-25-2007, 04:59 PM

tranza · 05-25-2007, 05:05 PM

Lol, funny stuff..

juliocrockett · 05-29-2007, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TampaToker

This guy has actually written us SEVERAL times.... and he sends us a photo-tastic christmas card every year. Adorable.

In one of his longer letters he explains the saga of him trying to put in a urethral penis plug.... it was very difficult for him, and he wouldn't give up.

He finally solved the problem by desensitizing his pee hole with AMBESOL! Now he doesn't want to take the plug out, EVER!

shekinah · 05-29-2007, 10:40 AM

Why were the names of the each senders erased?

juliocrockett · 05-29-2007, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shekinah

Why were the names of the each senders erased?

For legal reasons, and to uphold our strict privacy policy.

This has got to be one of my all-time favorites. I can only hope this guy was kidding:

drjones · 05-29-2007, 10:54 AM

Hahaha, thats good stuff.

krazycd5 · 05-29-2007, 03:55 PM

OP reminds me of the spirit of truth. you tube it.
'i come in the name of jesus christ motherfucker!'

05-25-2007, 02:50 PM	#1
juliocrockett Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Lost Angeles Posts: 114	Actual Customer Letter # 968 From Stockroom.com's Actual Customer Letter series: No kidding, every letter of the series is excerpted from actual customer letters we've received over the years. :-) Funny stuff. Anyone else got any gems laying around? Framed? Full series is here. __________________ Best Job Ever! Professional Toy Tester for Stockroom.com

05-25-2007, 02:55 PM	#2
CosmicTang Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 1,478	priceless. __________________ ICQ: 456.689.835 julian (at) orgasm (dot) com

05-25-2007, 02:59 PM	#3
Iron Fist Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 23,400	That's awesome! __________________ i like waffles

05-25-2007, 03:00 PM	#4
juliocrockett Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Lost Angeles Posts: 114	This one is definitely one of my favorites. I wish I could scan the whole letter onto here, as it was an epic adventure of humiliation, 3-ways, and NASCAR fandom. :-) __________________ Best Job Ever! Professional Toy Tester for Stockroom.com

05-25-2007, 03:03 PM	#6
geedub Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: concrete jungle Posts: 3,489	baahahhaha goood stuff.. the best email i ever seen, i wont disclose where it came from but this guy was claiming to have seen his mother on twoinherbutt.com anyways he wanted her contact info cas he hadnt seen mommy in 5 years... man im sure it was just some perv wanting to stalk a model, but if that was real.. id hang myself __________________ Reliable web host that actually cares, tell em geedub sent ya. Vacares

05-25-2007, 03:01 PM	#5
footmonkey Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 639	If I knew what a CB2000 was I'd probably be disgusted, lol.

05-25-2007, 03:09 PM	#7
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	Funny shit... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

05-25-2007, 03:11 PM	#8
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	good stuff there __________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

05-25-2007, 03:39 PM	#11
JP513 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: The Republic of Barebackistan Posts: 1,914	Julio....mad props for some totally funny letters . . . but no way do I believe this isn't staged. So in the spirit of good-natured ribbing, I say unto thee:

05-25-2007, 03:45 PM	#13
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	I always find those hand written notes too weird.

05-25-2007, 03:50 PM	#15
juliocrockett Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Lost Angeles Posts: 114	Sir, I shall make you a believer!!! You are absolutely invited. Come on down. We can brew some coffee and I can read you another 100 awesome letters that didn't make the cut. To Clarify: for legal reasons and due to our own extremely protective privacy policy, we had to rewrite the letters in our own handwriting and remove the names to protect the identity of the authors. The letter are, however, WORD FOR WORD, excerpts of ACTUAL CUSTOMER LETTERS that are sitting in my filing cabinet RIGHT NOW. Inches away from my elbow, on my right. No shit. And yes, most of them are handwritten and we have done our best to emulate the actual hand of the writing. :-) Good times! __________________ Best Job Ever! Professional Toy Tester for Stockroom.com

05-25-2007, 03:58 PM	#17
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	those are killer __________________

05-25-2007, 04:02 PM	#18
JP513 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: The Republic of Barebackistan Posts: 1,914	This is funny, letter 9671orglaugh

05-25-2007, 04:55 PM	#23
TonyL Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: "A measure of a man is his post count". Write that down. Posts: 900	Dude seriously! That's to funny. The CB2000 LOL! Poor guy had it on for an entire year? How the hell does that work? hahahah!

05-25-2007, 04:59 PM	#24
TampaToker Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Tampa Posts: 5,827	__________________ Icq 247-742-205

05-25-2007, 05:05 PM	#25
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	Lol, funny stuff.. __________________ I'm just a newbie.

05-29-2007, 10:40 AM	#27
shekinah Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8,452	Why were the names of the each senders erased? __________________ [Web Design \| Development \| Programming \| Content Writing ] ICQ: 238-890-469

05-29-2007, 10:54 AM	#29
drjones Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 908	Hahaha, thats good stuff. __________________ ICQ: 284903372

05-29-2007, 03:55 PM	#30
krazycd5 Registered User Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 59	OP reminds me of the spirit of truth. you tube it. 'i come in the name of jesus christ motherfucker!'