Humor to OFFEND Everyone... Lighten Up, They're Just Jokes - GoFuckYourself.com

OMG Jim · 09-25-2008, 10:47 AM

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

My wife occasionally sends me some good stuff from where she works with about 80 females so NOBODY take offense to these. Thanks

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
_

madm1k3 · 09-25-2008, 10:49 AM

good shit

gornyhuy · 09-25-2008, 10:54 AM

Brilliant:
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Tjeezers · 09-25-2008, 11:18 AM

LOL

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

Nice

mikesouth · 09-25-2008, 11:22 AM

shit those arent offensive

How can you tell when asians have moved into your neighborhood?

All the Mexicans buy auto insurance

Manowar · 09-25-2008, 11:40 AM

Fletch XXX · 09-25-2008, 11:41 AM

LOL @ chick jokes

sweetredhead · 09-25-2008, 11:44 AM

those are just hysterical !!!

abyss_al · 09-25-2008, 11:45 AM

what's the difference between a cowboy hat and tampons?

cowboy hats are for assholes

09-25-2008, 10:47 AM	#1
OMG Jim Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Atlanta Posts: 3,153	Humor to OFFEND Everyone... Lighten Up, They're Just Jokes SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! My wife occasionally sends me some good stuff from where she works with about 80 females so NOBODY take offense to these. Thanks What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts? Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo." Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides _ __________________ ICQ: 254 914 537 - Skype: AlmightyJim

09-25-2008, 10:49 AM	#2
madm1k3 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 472	good shit __________________ Always looking for trades on Linkspun! Check my Id here

09-25-2008, 10:54 AM	#3
gornyhuy Chafed. Join Date: May 2002 Location: Face Down in Pussy Posts: 18,041	Brilliant: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. __________________ icq:159548293

09-25-2008, 11:18 AM	#4
Tjeezers Webmaster Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: BP4L - NL/RO Posts: 16,572	LOL Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. Nice __________________ Enroll in the SWAG Affiliate Asian Live Cam Program and get 9 free quality linkbacks from my network! Wanna see how old school I am? Look at this! All my Cam Review Sites are here!

09-25-2008, 11:22 AM	#5
mikesouth Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: My High Horse Posts: 6,334	shit those arent offensive How can you tell when asians have moved into your neighborhood? All the Mexicans buy auto insurance __________________ Mike South It's No wonder I took up drugs and alcohol, it's the only way I could dumb myself down enough to cope with the morons in this biz.

09-25-2008, 11:40 AM	#6
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528

09-25-2008, 11:41 AM	#7
Fletch XXX GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: that 504 Posts: 60,840	LOL @ chick jokes __________________ Want an Android App for your tube, membership, or free site? Need banners or promo material? Hit us up (ICQ Fletch: 148841377) or email me fletchxxx at gmail.com - recent work - About me

09-25-2008, 11:44 AM	#8
sweetredhead Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New York Posts: 443	those are just hysterical !!! __________________ Brooke [email protected]

09-25-2008, 11:45 AM	#9
abyss_al LOOKING FOR TRADES Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Southern California Posts: 15,605	what's the difference between a cowboy hat and tampons? cowboy hats are for assholes __________________ EMAIL: allen @ vasmediagroup.com \| ICQ: 311329761 \| SKYPE: abyss.al \| AIM: xABYSSxALx