Blowjob Etiquette - GoFuckYourself.com

Phaseman · 02-16-2009, 06:23 PM

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your****

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like sh1t so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from b*tching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You b*tch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a****bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

Spunky · 02-16-2009, 06:25 PM

Heh heh,that was pretty good

Xrated J · 02-16-2009, 06:30 PM

Drake · 02-16-2009, 06:50 PM

Classic.

Iron Fist · 02-16-2009, 07:16 PM

Perfect

gimo33 · 02-16-2009, 07:25 PM

SomeCreep · 02-16-2009, 07:28 PM

whatever chick wrote that, i bet she gives hella shitty head

LiveDose · 02-16-2009, 07:30 PM

Good read. Going to post it on my bathroom mirror....

NickB. · 02-16-2009, 07:31 PM

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

Hahahhahahahahhahahahahah!

ExLust · 02-17-2009, 12:46 AM

Hahahaha... lol

Sid70 · 02-17-2009, 01:57 AM

and i was unlucky letting a girl who supported male points go

Mr Pheer · 02-17-2009, 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adultmix

and i was unlucky letting a girl who supported male points go

We always think about that ex that was wild in bed and freaky, had a killer body, and loved to suck cock and loved anal.

And then we remember what a psycho bitch she also was and are glad she's gone.

sicone · 02-17-2009, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Pheer

We always think about that ex that was wild in bed and freaky, had a killer body, and loved to suck cock and loved anal.

And then we remember what a psycho bitch she also was and are glad she's gone.

Sometimes I miss my psycho ex and think of all the fun freaky times we had...

then I look at the scar on my chest from where she stabbed me and I say 'oh yeah'

Chit Chat · 02-17-2009, 03:13 AM

Classic!

D Ghost · 02-17-2009, 03:31 AM

"8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head"

LMAO

Sid70 · 02-17-2009, 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Pheer

We always think about that ex that was wild in bed and freaky, had a killer body, and loved to suck cock and loved anal.

And then we remember what a psycho bitch she also was and are glad she's gone.

HAHAHA, right into the point!

J. Falcon · 02-17-2009, 05:06 AM

the female part is funny

u-Bob · 02-17-2009, 05:16 AM

hehe

Vicious_B · 02-17-2009, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sicone

Sometimes I miss my psycho ex and think of all the fun freaky times we had...

then I look at the scar on my chest from where she stabbed me and I say 'oh yeah'

That would be a good reason to move on I would think.

WalkerTR · 02-17-2009, 06:52 AM

LMAO

HorseShit · 02-17-2009, 07:07 AM

good write up

Zuzana Designs · 02-17-2009, 07:08 AM

great post

Serial Pervert · 02-17-2009, 07:10 AM

very nice

NextBigTube · 02-17-2009, 07:43 AM

Haha, Fun read!

gornyhuy · 02-17-2009, 07:50 AM

Glad you posted the male response... I was gonna have to write one!

Anthony · 02-17-2009, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr pheer

we always think about that ex that was wild in bed and freaky, had a killer body, and loved to suck cock and loved anal.

And then we remember what a psycho bitch she also was and are glad she's gone.

quoted for the muthafucking truth.

tranza · 02-17-2009, 08:07 AM

Hahaha...really funny read!

John-ACWM · 02-17-2009, 08:25 AM

Thanks for the laughs,nice read

PornNewz · 02-17-2009, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Pheer

We always think about that ex that was wild in bed and freaky, had a killer body, and loved to suck cock and loved anal.

And then we remember what a psycho bitch she also was and are glad she's gone.

Scott McD · 02-17-2009, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phaseman

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

LOL !!!

Ross · 02-17-2009, 09:39 AM

14. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

Brilliant!

_Richard_ · 02-17-2009, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phaseman

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

A-n-D-r-E-S · 02-17-2009, 11:57 AM

lol...

02-16-2009, 07:25 PM	#6
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02-16-2009, 07:28 PM	#7
SomeCreep :glugglug Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Where the Wild Things Are Posts: 26,118	whatever chick wrote that, i bet she gives hella shitty head __________________ Webair Hosting I use and recommend Webair for hosting.

02-17-2009, 12:46 AM	#10
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02-17-2009, 01:57 AM	#11
Sid70 Downshifter Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Road trip Posts: 16,413	and i was unlucky letting a girl who supported male points go __________________ Русня, идите нахуй!

02-17-2009, 03:13 AM	#14
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02-16-2009, 06:23 PM	#1
Phaseman Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Thailand Posts: 159	Blowjob Etiquette Blowjob Etiquette (by a female) 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your**** 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like sh1t so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future. 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content. 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag. 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning". A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male) 1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish. 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you? 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair. 5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from btching and moaning. Suck it up! 6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me. 7. You btch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country. 8. At least there is no danger of a****bleeding in your mouth. 9. Play with the balls. 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. 11. Caress the ass, too. We like that! 12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep". 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

02-16-2009, 06:25 PM	#2
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,919	Heh heh,that was pretty good __________________ *Skype : Spunky GFY*

02-16-2009, 06:30 PM	#3
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02-16-2009, 06:50 PM	#4
Drake Hello world! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 12,508	Classic.

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02-16-2009, 07:30 PM	#8
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02-16-2009, 07:31 PM	#9
NickB. Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 8,855	13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? Hahahhahahahahhahahahahah!

02-17-2009, 03:31 AM	#15
D Ghost null Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 9,820	"8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head" LMAO

02-17-2009, 05:06 AM	#17
J. Falcon www.AdultCopywriters.com Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 31,562	the female part is funny __________________ Adult Copywriters SEO Content for Porn Sites sales at adultcopywriters dot com

02-17-2009, 05:16 AM	#18
u-Bob there's no $$$ in porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: icq: 195./568.-230 (btw: not getting offline msgs) Posts: 33,063	hehe

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02-17-2009, 07:07 AM	#21
HorseShit Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 17,513	good write up

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02-17-2009, 07:50 AM	#25
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02-17-2009, 08:07 AM	#27
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02-17-2009, 09:39 AM	#31
Ross Ik ben een aap Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Traffic Force Towers, Canada! Posts: 18,874	14. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep". Brilliant!

02-17-2009, 11:57 AM	#33
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