Shovenistc Jokes

[stanton]

1 Why did God create Woman?
To carry sperm from the bedroom to the toilet.

2 If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.

3 How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
By phoning her.

4 Why do woman fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

5 What is the definition of "making love"?
Its something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

6 What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day and anal sex make your (w)hole weak.

7 How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

8 What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
One's mad cow disease and the other is an agricultural problem.

9 Why does the bride get married in white?
Because it's good to have the dishwasher match the toaster and fridge.

10 What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

11 What time is it when your wife comes out of the kitchen to nag at you?
Time to shorten the chain on the sink.

12 How do you change a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.

13 What's the difference between a woman and a battery?
A battery has a positive side.

14 How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They are both fun to ride until your friends find out.

15 What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

16 How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking and in the end you lose your house.

17 Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
Because she knows that she has given her last blowjob.

18 What is the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years your job still sucks.

19 What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling

20 Why is the space between a womans tits and her hips called a "waist"?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

21 Why do they call it the "Wonderbra"?
Because when she takes it off you wonder where her tits went.

22 How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

23 Why did the woman cross the road?
What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?.

24 How is a woman like a condom?
Because they both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

25 What do you call that useless piece of flesh that surrounds a pussy?
A woman

[p1mpdogg]

haha
right on