How do you deal with telemarketers?

[brentbacardi]

I just started getting telemarketing calls lately. What do you guys do when the call?

I usually scream loudly until they hang up or I just start muttering and they keep asking what? what? what? and then I speak clearer and say something like "...yes I have these open sores on my penis... ...the sex hurts my penis... ...my sperm tastes weird lately..."

Usually these methods keep them from calling back as if I try to just say dont call please they call back again and again... so what do you guys do?

[Amputate Your Head]

I either don't answer at all, or
if I get tricked into answering, I hang up.

It's been working for me pretty consistently.

[GrouchyAdmin]

It took me 10 times to get one to stop calling, but most stop by the third. Don't get crass or crude with them. Most of them have shitty jobs, but it's ok to make it a little surreal.

I usually start with "Que? Se Habla Espanol?" If they speak in Spanish, I say "I don't speak Spanish", and hang up. If they don't speak Spanish, I just hang up.

[brentbacardi]

I used to be polite but I got called 3 times today. I never put my phone number in anything except giving it to friends, business contacts, bank contact info, stuff like that. If I sign up for anything I use a different phone number so I don't even know where they get it from. One time this girl got me and I said something about "...my penis has herpes..." and the girl laughed and called me on it and I just told her what was up and she was was like no problem wont call back but she laughed though...

If you are just being silly or nuts it probably gives them something to laugh at I figure... not everyone has a job where they get to look at porn and stuff all day...

[moeloubani]

i used to do telemarketing from Canada calling you people in the US for the Ohio State Troopers association, New York Fighter Fighters Federation among many other scam charities (hey a job is a job)

the key is just to say hey listen im sorry to cut you off but im really not interested

the not interested thing for some reason they used to tell us if they say those words not interested to end the call but anything else including deaths in the family (why not honor your loved one with a one time donation to the Ohio State Troopers Association) but not interested you were supposed to hang up

[Amputate Your Head]

Okay, here's what you do.

Step 1. Go register with the 'Do Not Call' list the gov has.
https://www.donotcall.gov/

Step 2. Go opt out of pre-screened credit & insurance offers.
https://www.optoutprescreen.com

Step 3. Send a letter to all 3 credit reporting bureaus with their fees, and have them freeze your credit reports. This has the effect of locking down your reports, but good. No one can run credit on you without your "unfreezing" it, with the exception of current creditors. This also prevents anyone from stealing your identity and setting up new lines of credit in your name.

Step 4. Any snail mail you get that you don't want, shove it all into the pre-paid return envelope along with anything else you can fit in there, like lead weights or rocks, tape it shut and mail it back to them.

Step 5. Change your phone number and make sure it's unlisted.

Step 6. Move to another state. Leave no forwarding address.

Step 7. Do not get drunk and post your new phone number on Facebook or some shit.

Step 8. Any calls that make it this far should be promptly answered each and every time with, "There is no one here by that name, take me off your list." If you never acknowledge it's you, they can't prove it. If it's some anonymous telemarketer looking for anyone that will answer the phone, don't be the guy that answers it. If you do, hang up as soon as you know it's a telemarketer.


This worked for me.

[Mutt]

i used to jerk them around but as I get older it seems pretty lame, they're just doing their shitty job - occassionally they catch me at a bad time and I lose it and scream and swear.
sometimes i get pissy with them because i think it's somebody trying to sell me something then I realize it's some charity looking for old clothes and not looking for money and i feel bad that I was so grouchy with them.

bottomline, it should be illegal - that no call list shit doesn't work, it doesn't get enforced. it's harassment, they call at very bad times, my mom was very sick in the hospital and i was waiting for news from my sister - and every time i picked up the phone my heart was in my throat, answer hello and it's a telemarketer and then another one - some days i get a ton of them, other days none.

[IllTestYourGirls]

If they are female I ask what they are wearing.

[dav3]

Originally Posted by moeloubani

i used to do telemarketing from Canada calling you people in the US for the Ohio State Troopers association, New York Fighter Fighters Federation among many other scam charities (hey a job is a job)

the key is just to say hey listen im sorry to cut you off but im really not interested

the not interested thing for some reason they used to tell us if they say those words not interested to end the call but anything else including deaths in the family (why not honor your loved one with a one time donation to the Ohio State Troopers Association) but not interested you were supposed to hang up

LOL I worked for a place like that awhile back. Your rebuttal sounds like a textbook CDG rebuttal. amiriet?

[fatfoo]

Originally Posted by brentbacardi

"...yes I have these open sores on my penis... ...the sex hurts my penis... ...my sperm tastes weird lately..."

If it is true - good luck. Medication is available.

[DamnGoodRatio]

I always tell them "damn I am glad you called, the weather is real nice and they may let em out of this prison on my next parole hearing, want to meet me?" and they hang up . . .

[BillyHoe]

I love fucking with telemarketers. Here most telemarketing companies have a time per call ratio to respect. Or the callers get paid per call.
So what I do is let the person go through the whole pitch. Then I ask as many annoying questions as possible. I push them to the edge of telling me off. I stop them every so often and ask them to repeat things, and get as much useless info as I can. Then when they're done, I tell them I really interested but my line just beeped can you hang on. I put them on hold and never come back. When they call back I ask them to repeat everything again, and do the same thing.

[D Ghost]

1. Tell them to hold on
2. Put on speaker phone
3. Go into bathroom
4. Make a few fake but believable grunting noises (not to over the top)
5. Flush the toilet 3 - 4 times, doing a few grunts in between each

[Spunky]

Sorry ,not interested,click..or just hang up

[Jon Oso]

I don't answer unless the number is already saved in my phone or is in an area code within the Valley.

Works pretty well.

[kmanrox]

i tell them to scrub me from their list or i will kill them.. and im on the DNC list.. pretty effective

[martinsc]

Originally Posted by DJ The Kid

1. Tell them to hold on
2. Put on speaker phone
3. Go into bathroom
4. Make a few fake but believable grunting noises (not to over the top)
5. Flush the toilet 3 - 4 times, doing a few grunts in between each

hahaha, that's a good one!

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by Jon Oso

I don't answer unless the number is already saved in my phone or is in an area code within the Valley.

Works pretty well.

This is really the key.
I do the same thing. If it's not already in my address book, or a Bay Area number, it don't get answered.

[Cyber Fucker]

I tell them the tittle of this board once or twice and they give up

[Jdoughs]

Originally Posted by brentbacardi

I just started getting telemarketing calls lately. What do you guys do when the call?

I usually scream loudly until they hang up or I just start muttering and they keep asking what? what? what? and then I speak clearer and say something like "...yes I have these open sores on my penis... ...the sex hurts my penis... ...my sperm tastes weird lately..."

Usually these methods keep them from calling back as if I try to just say dont call please they call back again and again... so what do you guys do?

Get over it, it's just a fucking phone call.

[CaroMark]

Besides the National "Do Not Call List" you can request to be put on their internal DNC.

1. Ask if you are being recorded
2. Ask who you are speaking with
3. Ask for the phone number where you can call back
4. Ask to be placed on the DNC

If they call you after that then contact an attorney, should be a nice big cash award for you and them.

[CDSmith]

Call display is a wonderful thing.

I'm also on the DNC list, but still a handful of calls comes through every week. If anyone calls from a number I don't recognize they can leave me a message. If I'm home and I hear their voice on the machine I often pick up, depending on who they are and what they were saying of course.

Those who just hang up when they get my machine can go fuck themselves. If they keep calling back day after day and keep doing the same thing they all quickly find that I am quite unreachable. Yes, quite.

[Kenny B!]

I just ask them to hold for a minute, put the phone down and walk away

[Chicks Delivery]

Jerry Seinfeld:

- Hello! Yes, I'm very interested! Could you please tell me your personal phone number, so I can call you later? No? Why? You don't wanna be bother at home? So you know how I feel....

[woj]

I usually don't pick up in the first place, if it's someone I know they know to leave a message, but if I get tricked into picking up... as soon as I feel out that they are trying to sell me something, I say "I'm not interested" and hang up...

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by Kenny B!

I just ask them to hold for a minute, put the phone down and walk away

Otherwise known as the Andy Rooney method.

I've used it just once, and it worked. Capital One was calling me up to 5 times a day a few years back. I repeatedly asked them to take me off their list. Finally I did the Andy Rooney on them, just once, and the calls stopped.

I guess that company is familiar with it.

[Tom_PM]

I dont use the do not call list for the simple fact that it's backwards bullshit. It's governments job to regulate businesses, not to regulate individual citizens. The big business/private citizen flip flop has gone too far.

Yesterday I got a call, I say hello, the woman first does what they all do these days; they demand to know if you are the person they think you are (no hello, no "i'm so and so calling from such and such") so I decide to confirm who I am. She says "I'm from the phone company"... then she says she's going to help me save money, lol. So I asked her WHAT phone company, she rattles off some unknown name, then I asked her how she knows how much I pay to claim she's going to save me money, she says the average price people pay per minute in my area, I say well I dont pay that much, so how can you save me money. She stammers that Verizon has authorized them to save their customers money, and VERIZON has provided the list of customer numbers and VERIZON this and VERIZON that. I said just shut the hell up and process my do not call request and I'll deal with verizon as I see fit, and that I was sure the FTC would disapprove of their deceptive practice of claiming to be THE phone company. She hung up.

[O MARINA]

click
bye
disconnect

[Serge Litehead]

- hello please take a moment to [sales pitch]
- [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]

[Daddy Big Nuts]

I either act retarded or tell them I'm dead. Depends on the mood...

[96ukssob]

most telemarketers only make money when a deal is closed, i .e. they get paid on a commission. if im not busy, i will try to keep them on the phone as long as possible and ask the dumbest possible questions.

i had one on a few weeks ago for over 20 minutes then came right out and asked me "are you going to buy or just keep asking me questions"

otherwise, i found not answering the phone means they will keep calling back

[dready]

I hang up immediately.

[KILL_FRENZY]

I don't get telemarketers but get a lot of calls from bank reps trying to sign me up for shitty offers...and they call at the weirdest times. So I called the managers and asked them for their home number so that I may call them for no reason at my convenience. That got 'em to stop...for now.

[Barefootsies]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

I either don't answer at all, or
if I get tricked into answering, I hang up.

It's been working for me pretty consistently.

Same here. As soon as they start in, typically mispronouncing my last name or business name, they get dial toned.

[brentbacardi]

Once I got called about a vacation to mexico for spring break like 5 times in one day. So I did a good one, I kept talking in my old person voice and saying what huh? and asking stupid questions like can I have my pet there? The lady was like actually you can and I was like great my 5 dogs and 9 cats go with me everywhere I go, and the lady was like no not that many but then she freaked out and I said you already told me I could bring my pets and this calls recorded so if you don't let me I am going to have you fired.

[LiveDose]

The best way to handle them is to say 'hold on one sec' and then just mute the phone and listen to them mumbling as they are waiting for you to come back...

[Rochard]

I utterly fuck with them. I'll try to take them seriously, then put them on hold, talk again, hold again, mutter something obscene under my breath, then call them nasty names, then scream at them. Always fun.

[WiredGuy]

Tell them they're calling a business/office. They'll remove you without any hesitation.
WG

[mayabong]

This is what you do

[brentbacardi]

Originally Posted by mayabong

This is what you do

I saw that before but awesome fucking prank!!! haha thats one of the best fo sho