Mamas bible - GoFuckYourself.com

brassmonkey · 08-03-2010, 12:52 PM

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well.
I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Luv Ya, MAMA

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 08-03-2010, 01:13 PM

Good one!

A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.

The vet examines the bird extensively, says, 'Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine.'

The guy's parrot is listening and says, 'Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??'

Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars.

The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, 'Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!' Feathers come flying out of the cage.

The vet says, 'Holy shit,' and runs across the room and opens the curtain.

The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he's pulling out all her feathers. He's saying, 'For fifteen bucks, I want you naked. Naked!

ADG

brassmonkey · 08-03-2010, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AsianDivaGirlsWebDude

Good one!

A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.

The vet examines the bird extensively, says, 'Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine.'

The guy's parrot is listening and says, 'Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??'

Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars.

The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, 'Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!' Feathers come flying out of the cage.

The vet says, 'Holy shit,' and runs across the room and opens the curtain.

The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he's pulling out all her feathers. He's saying, 'For fifteen bucks, I want you naked. Naked!

ADG

damn

brassmonkey · 09-01-2010, 10:04 AM

chronig · 09-01-2010, 10:17 AM

Chosen · 09-01-2010, 01:18 PM

marketsmart · 09-01-2010, 02:16 PM

A midget walks in to a bar, takes a few shots of whiskey, jumps up on the bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" A guy 6 feet two inches tall and weighing 253 lbs stood up and said, "I'll fight you!" That little midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him. Next night the midget walked in and took a few shots, jumped on his bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" This time an even bigger guy stood up. He was about 6 foot 5 inches and weighed 348 lbs. The midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him, too. So the bar owner went out and bought a gorilla and locked it in the bathroom. Later that night the midget walked in, took a few shots of whiskey and jumped on the bar stool and asked if there were any sons of bitches that want to fight. This time no one stood up. The bar owner said, "There's a guy in the bathroom that wants to kick your fucking ass." Now the gorilla was in the bathroom for about 6 hours and was really pissed off. That midget walked into the bathroom and there was all kinds of noise for about 2 hours. Finally that midget walked out, sat down all out of breath, looked at the bar owner and said, "Tell that n1gger when he wakes up his fur coat is in the toilet."

.

08-03-2010, 12:52 PM	#1
brassmonkey Pay It Forward Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Yo Mama House Posts: 76,944	Mamas bible Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway." "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks." "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same." "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you." Luv Ya, MAMA __________________ TRUMP 2025 KEKAW!!! - Support The Laken Riley Act!!! END DACA - SUPPORT AZ HCR 2060 52R - email: brassballz-at-techie.com

08-03-2010, 01:13 PM	#2
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	Good one! A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet. The vet examines the bird extensively, says, 'Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine.' The guy's parrot is listening and says, 'Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for??' Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars. The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, 'Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!' Feathers come flying out of the cage. The vet says, 'Holy shit,' and runs across the room and opens the curtain. The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he's pulling out all her feathers. He's saying, 'For fifteen bucks, I want you naked. Naked! ADG __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

09-01-2010, 10:04 AM	#4
brassmonkey Pay It Forward Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Yo Mama House Posts: 76,944	__________________ TRUMP 2025 KEKAW!!! - Support The Laken Riley Act!!! END DACA - SUPPORT AZ HCR 2060 52R - email: brassballz-at-techie.com

09-01-2010, 01:18 PM	#6
Chosen VIPPay.com \| AdultWebSponsors.com Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 63,151	LoL

09-01-2010, 10:17 AM	#5
chronig Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 2,653

09-01-2010, 02:16 PM	#7
marketsmart HOMICIDAL TROLL KILLER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Sunnybrook Institution for the Criminally Insane Posts: 20,419	A midget walks in to a bar, takes a few shots of whiskey, jumps up on the bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" A guy 6 feet two inches tall and weighing 253 lbs stood up and said, "I'll fight you!" That little midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him. Next night the midget walked in and took a few shots, jumped on his bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" This time an even bigger guy stood up. He was about 6 foot 5 inches and weighed 348 lbs. The midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him, too. So the bar owner went out and bought a gorilla and locked it in the bathroom. Later that night the midget walked in, took a few shots of whiskey and jumped on the bar stool and asked if there were any sons of bitches that want to fight. This time no one stood up. The bar owner said, "There's a guy in the bathroom that wants to kick your fucking ass." Now the gorilla was in the bathroom for about 6 hours and was really pissed off. That midget walked into the bathroom and there was all kinds of noise for about 2 hours. Finally that midget walked out, sat down all out of breath, looked at the bar owner and said, "Tell that n1gger when he wakes up his fur coat is in the toilet." .