Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
 

Haha some good ones in here! ;-)


The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

ha



I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.ha After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.ha I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."ha Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.ha When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.ha I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

funny stuff

I know a few people who don't understand the difference between an immigration visa and the credit card company.

Fuck you.

If Americans didn't travel to your esentially frozen pain in the ass land, your economy would flounder.

I'm all about a travel ban to Maple Leaf Land.

Hey, you don't like the USA?

Do without us!

Talk about STUPID!:

http://www.bukisa.com/articles/27138...-canadian-laws

http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k3...ian-beaver.jpg

Canucks and AMERICAN motorcycle:

http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/l...unt2010048.jpg

Typical Canuck:

http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l8.../RyansHead.jpg

Fat Canucks:

http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/l...unt2010008.jpg

Really fat Canucks:

http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/l...unt2010042.jpg

Parking at Canuck motorcycle club meeting showing their AMERICAN motorcycles.......

http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/l...unt2010047.jpg

But I digress.......................................

Hehe good jokes, I don't think it's about americans, stupid people are everywhere. I also don't believe in concept of time zones, I think it's magic.

I am an American but I admit, most Americans are not worldly people and know very little about the real world outside of their own border, other than what they are told on the news or from high school, which is usually not accurate.

It is equally as mind boggling to hear Americans say that the United States is the greatest country on earth, yet they have never been anywhere else. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but how could you make a statement like that if you don't know first hand?

Having said all that and taking a little stab at my homeland, there is but ONE flag on the moon and it belongs to the mother fuckin' United States of America.

So where we experience epic failures in many areas, we fucking kick total ass in others. And if you don't believe that, our military will "liberate" you and bomb your city into the stone ages until you do. Then we'll pay to rebuild it.

There are three things you don't mess with on this earth... the Zohan, the Jesus, and the USA. In that order.

Inspired by the link above, I searched for stupid laws. Please tell me that this is not true:

"As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C."

"Sodomy laws have been repealed?or are ignored?in most states, but not Georgia, where a man was sentenced to five years in prison for engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their home."

http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages...ge/sexlaws.htm

http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/alabama

I'm sorry, remind me again whose economy is floundering? :1orglaugh

I'm all about a ban on American tourists in Canada too, where do I signup to support your cause?

Some people here know this, but I'm currently working in the hospitality industry as an auditor for a hotel and resort chain. I deal with all the numbers, and keep track of the reservations and shit. The location i work in in is 10km from the American border. I'd say roughly 20% of our guests are American. Something I've been meaning to get around to in my spare time at work is an in depth study of how Americans are the most irritating and ignorant tourists on earth, as supported by statistical data pulled from my audit reports. Every time there is a complaint, I can track it. I can tell where the person came from and what the complaint was, pull up all the details of the incident and yadda yadda yadda.

All the long-term employees at all positions in the staff seem to stand by the "Americans are the worst hands down" opinion. So I did a brief rundown on my own audits a while back. Of the complaints that had come in in the past 2 months, almost 75% of them came form Americans, who make up 20% or less of the total stays. Of the complaints that escalated to complete public meltdowns requiring a written incident report, 100% Americans. I have access to data going back about 7 years, I'd really like to start digging for a more in depth analysis, but ya, generally Americans are complete douchebags. Can also be noted that vehicular incidents reported on resort property also largely covered by our minority American customer base.

Don't worry, you're closely followed up by German tourists. They also make up a large percentage of ignorant complaints and pointless meltdowns, and they make up a much smaller percentage of the customer base than the Americans do.

thanks for digressing....BTW these are all JAPANESE Bikes.....

Talk about STUPID!:[/QUOTE]

Someone please insert a FAIL pic in here:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

LoL :1orglaugh

lololololololol

funniest shit ever

Yep the American knowledge of Geography is a world wide legend actually :)

go shoot something you stupid bitch. sally rand is officially the biggest retard on the entire board.

Mark's Jokes- A+
Sally's Reply- F

Sally you need to step away from the keyboard....

If by that you mean:

our military will start an illegal war over oil, lie to everyone, bomb women and children, and then get Dick Chaney's company to make a fortune by rebuilding the place they just illegally bombed

then I agree totally!

Oil is only a portion of the billions worth the contracts awarded to American corporations in post-war nations. :2 cents: They don't just want the resources, they want to own the entire infrastructure. Power, water, communications, transportation, you name it. Right down to the garbage removal. Ensuring the country stays in debt, ensures their compliance in future matters as well. Make a few powerful locals rich in the process, keep them in the US government's back pocket, and American corporate interests have a long bountiful future in store.

For a company to keep making money, they need to keep growing. There's no room to grow in America, so the corporations through which the majority of the nations money flow, keep on the government to open up new markets. The rich screaming for tax breaks, are the same ones pushing the government to ship your children over to the middle of nowhere and risk their lives so that they can continue to grow richer. Taxpayer dollars fund a government who puts the money towards the world's largest armed force, simply to expand the earnings of it's corporate giants. That's all there is to it.

So keep waving your flag Sally, as your economy "flounders", and your country rapes you so that McDonalds can expand into Iranian based Walmarts. America eats it's young. It does not give a fuck about you, but you best give a fuck about it! This is clearly American at it's finest, a bunch of stupid dogs chasing their tails while their masters laugh all the way to the bank...

Just sayin'

Those are all super funny.

:1orglaugh

Funny stuff, thanks for the laughs!

This reply was amazing! :thumbsup:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh

How was Capetown?

Here's one for sally rand

10 stupid American laws:

1. In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

2. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

3. In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

4. In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

5. Also, a license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.

6. Also, the penalty for jumping off a building is death.

7. In Texas, a recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

8. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

9. In Florida, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

10. Also, men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

This is my favorite one. If you have ever been to the Dallas airport, it actually makes sense!


Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.ha When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh Indeed it was:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

o my god, just as i thought that Sally couldn't be any more idiotic.... this is just too much :1orglaugh

ahh Sally LMAO!!!

Perhaps he was talking about Dulles airport (IAD) which sounds similar? I was there and I can say for sure, it has a rather long distance between international and domestic terminals.

i agree. american tourists are the worst, stupid, boorish, loud, with delusional egos and self esteem, usually fat, cheap and greedy.

those are hilarious!

i've found that most americans are like me, we can laugh at ourselves when others point their fingers at us and jump on the *let's all hate on americans* band wagon.

happy holidays folks!

most americans are complete fucking retards. i know i've lived with them for 40 years.

:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup - http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Ec.../dp/1576753018

we have plenty stupid people here just like any place else so I wouldn't feel offended either :)

We are all retards in our own beautiful way.

I dunno, those all seem fake to me. I can tell from having seen lots of fake things in my time.

i hear ya, america doesn't have a monopoly on stupidity. it's just popular to portray us as such.


it's all good though. :thumbsup

SillyRant once again funnier than the intended humour of the thread.

can I borrow that quote for my tumblr update?
haha

1. In Nova Scotia a person is not allowed to water their grass when it's raining. Not like someone would do this, but it's against the law in Nova Scotia!

2. In Cobourg, Ontario if you have a water trough in your front yard, it must be filled by 5:00am!

3. In Guelph, Ontario, the city is classified as a no pee zone!

4. In Toronto, Ontario it's illegal to drag a dead horse down Younge St on a Sunday!

5. In Montreal, Ontario you are not allowed to wash your car in the street or park your car in a way that it blocks your own driveway!

6. In Ottawa, Ontario you are not allowed to eat ice cream on Bank St on a Sunday!

7. In Beaconsfield, Canada it's considered an offense to have more than two colours on your house; and you are not allowed to own a log cabin!

8. In Uxbridge, Ontario it's illegal to have an internet connection faster than 56k!

9. In Kanata, Ontario, believe this, it's illegal to have a clothes line in your back yard!

10. Finally, in Oshawa, Ontario it's illegal to climb trees!

11. This is one of the more unbelievable laws I came across. Did you know that in Fort Qu'Appelle Quebec it is illegal for a teen to walk downtown main street with his shoes untied? Its true. Who comes up with these laws?

12. Get this, it is illegal anywhere in Canada to pay for a 26 cent item in all pennies. The limit is 25 cents. If you are paying for your item in nickels, then its illegal to pay for it in nickels if its over $5. Its also illegal to pay for something over $10 dollars in all dimes. Wild!

13. Did you know that Canadian law states that every 5th song on the radio must be by a Canadian born citizen? Well believe it or not it is true!

14. In Alberta back in the day, it was the law when a prisoner was released from jail that he would be given a gun and horse to ride out of town or city.

15. Through out Ontario the average speed limit is 80 km/h for cars, BUT bicyclists have the right away.

16. No one in Canada is allowed by Canadian law to watch or listen to encrypted broadcast which is not licensed by the Canadian Government. This basically means that its illegal to use US satellite systems like "Direct TV".

17. I don't know how true this one is since I live on the opposite side of the country but supposedly its illegal to buy cigarettes for minors (Under 19), but you can supply them with cigarettes as long as its not in public places. I know here where I live outside of Toronto, its illegal period to give cigarettes to children and teens.

18. Here's a law I found that kind of surprised me. In London, Ontario it is against the city by-law to allow your grass in your front yard to grow any taller then a inch and a half. If you do, the city will come by and cut it for you then give you a fine for $200. Crazy!


19. Now I couldn't find a date for this law but its so off the wall it must be from around the late 1800's or early 1900's. There's a law on the British Columbia books that states if you're a bankrupt drunk who got thrown into jail, the law requires the jailer to bring you a bottle of beer on demand. Nuts!


20. Quebec law states that all business signs must be in French. If the owner wants English on the sign then the French print has to be twice as large as the English print.

Oh come on now, everyone knows that Canadians better than Americans at ... well... everything...

:)

they are especially better at grammar! :1orglaugh

hey not to be the maple leaf know it all, but this pic says 'montana' in it's URL

you know Montana is apart of the states right?

Probably not! :1orglaugh

Sally show me your vagina

In Alabama Incestuous marriages are legal.

Anchorage
No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a car.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops.

Arizona
Hunting camels is prohibited.
It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

Arkansas
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
Honking one?s car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.

California
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
Bowling on the sidewalk is illegal.

You get the idea...

more: http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states

in vancouver, you're not allowed to, whatsover, tie up your horse on robson.

this is called the evil of bureaucracy, and it kills all governments..

hint hint

same as all the bike pics said SUZUKI:1orglaugh:1orglaugh