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12-28-2010 01:20 PM |
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I remember lounging around with Anal Hobbit, as we both nursed our wrists and elbows following last year's marathon InterNext Bukkake party, and we brainstormed some concepts for making the show safer and fresh for this year.
To cut down on collateral damage and the frivolous soiled loafer claims, everyone will be issued a pair of special momento fortune cookie booties at the door:
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In keeping with the parody-celebrity craze in adult videos, we will be trying to hire a Sarah Palin look-a-like, Amy Fischer, and a few other faces that you always wanted to drop a load on, but were afraid to splash.
Finally, some bukkake etiquette tips to make for a more fun party for all:
Quote:
Dear Miss Manners, What Should I Bring To A Bukkake Party?
Concerned writes: Concerning Mona's Bukkake Party on Saturday night. What sort of gift is customary for a guest to give to a bukkake party hostess? Wine? Cheese? Visine? I do not want to appear ungrateful for the pleasure of whacking off on this kind woman's face. Please advise.
[email protected] writes: Regarding the person who asked what kind of gift is customary for a bukkake hostess, Mona would appreciate everyone to bring a smile, a pleasant attitude and a negative HIV test. However, the webmistress at www.-----.com would appreciate a bottle of strawberry Stoli, flowers, and the "Vampiric Angel" Buffy the Vampire Slayer action figure so that she can complete her collection.
Fred writes: I received the following e-mail from Miss Manners, which was accidentally misdirected to me:
Gentle Reader: Proper etiquette for a Bukkake party is very important.
First of all, just like there are several sets of silver for a proper dinner party, there should be several sets of towels for a proper Bukkake party.
Never use one of the sweat towels for spooge, and never use one of the spooge towels for sweat. That is considered very gauche. When setting a proper table, the spooge towels should be on the left; the sweat towels on the right. Never leave the used towels on the same table as the unused towels. That is considered very rude.
Second, it is bad form to shoot spooge on anyone other than the guest of honor. This is considered so rude that it is still considered just cause for being challenged to a duel.
Third, it is acceptable to bring a small gift, like flowers or wine, but never bring white wine. The proper wine for this occaision is red wine. (Who knows what the white wine would be confused with. Then again, who knows what red wine would be confused with.) A good bottle of Merlot will suffice. Miss Manners believes that Zinfandel is considered out of the question.
Fourth, it is considered bad form to comment about the physique of other people at the party, and never stare if someone is inadvertently violating the rules of etiquette. Always thank your hostess when you are done. Then, step away and make room for the next guest. Never barf on the hostess.
When setting up snacks and the like at a Bukakke party, never serve custard. Also, never serve anything with mayonaise.
We hope these helpful hints will be useful for your next party.
Concerned writes: Dear Miss Manners, Thank you for clearing up my bukkake etiquette question. I am think about bringing our lovely hostess a nice mouth funnel as a gift. I do have a few more uncertainties pending before I can commit.
1) Is it considered proper to bring a date to a bukkake? I truly feel that a man and a woman should share in each others hobbies.
2) If two men arrive wearing the same full face wrestling mask is the one who arrived last required to remove his mask or may they both still wear matching masks?
3) If (hypothetically) I was a premature ejaculator would I be assigned a preferential spot in line?
4) Would it be considered bad taste to wave a John 3:16 sign in front of the web cam?
Miss Manners asked that I pass on these etiquette rules for Concerned.
Gentle reader:
Is it proper to take a date to a Bukkake party? That depends upon whether your date is going to be participating. After all, if this were a dinner party, and the hostess prepared a certain amount for everyone to eat, it would be quite impolite to bring a date without so informing the hostess.
In like manner, at a Bukkake party, if everyone brought a date, the hostess would have no way of knowing if there's enough to go around. So Miss Manners frowns on uninvited guests, unless you ask your hostess ahead of time.
Miss Manners understands the embarrassment that must arise when two male guests wear the same wrestling mask.
Miss Manners believes that when attending a proper Bukkake party, you should always bring two masks in case this embarrassing situation arises.
Further, a proper hostess for a Bukkake party should always have a several wrestling or ski masks out on the table in case of this sort of fashion emergency. I always prefer floral prints for the wrestling masks at my parties.
If you are a premature ejaculator, proper manners require that you ask the other attendees if you can go first. This may also make it easier for the hostess, thereby lightening her work load.
Regarding the John 3:16 sign, that would not be improper, but you should not cite any biblical verses concerning the second coming, as there may be some attendees at the bukkake party that might find that sacreligious, and therefore impolite.
Lastly, Miss Manners reminds all her gentle readers: don't drink and drive when attending a bukkake party. If you have any other sticky questions concerning proper etiquette and behavior at a bukakke party, please write.
Hugh Jorgan writes:
Dear Miss Manners, I work in the adult film industry as an XXX actor. I am frequently shocked at the rudeness and insensitivity of my fellow performers' on set behavior. Would you please confirm your position on the proper social conduct during a porn shoot in the following all too common and awkward situations:
1) During double penetrations my fellow male star's sweaty testicles will frequently slap against mine. I find this tacky beyond belief! Should I seek a formal apology when this happens or just let it slide?
2) I am confused as to when it is societally acceptable for a man to spit into a woman's dilated rectum. Should I wait until her anus is fully gaped or just pre-gaped? Also how many clicks on a vaginal speculum is currently considered socially "kosher."
3) On occasion, I have accidentally missed the starlet's face and ejaculated on a male costar's arm or leg. Is a hand written apology with a small gift always required or is a simple shrug and a "Sorry, Dude!" enough?
4) Often my fellow costars will ask to borrow my syringe in order to shoot up their cocks prior to a scene. Would it be considered selfish of me to refuse their request or am I being too sensitive about this whole commingling of blood thing?
5) Many of my bitchy peers are starting to refuse to work with me as they claim that I am "gay" and thereby an unacceptable AIDS risk. Will you please explain to these naive souls that since I only receive oral sex from men and always "top" in my bisexual films that I clearly cannot be considered queer by Porn Valley standards.
6) A rather persistent porn journalist keeps inviting me back to his hovel for an "in depth" interview. The exposure on his internet site could be really good for my career, but I am rather suspect of his true intentions. Am I being paranoid? Should I accept?
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:jerkoff
ADG
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