jokes - let me hear what you got!!!!
 

Fire away, looking for some laughs today!!

"What's the deal with airline food...."

Thanks jerry!

A Doctor is asked by his local Parent Teacher Association to speak to them on the subject of Human Sexuality. His wife is kind of a prude, and would try to tell him what to say, or not to say, so he tells her that he will be speaking to them about Sailing.

She was out of town when he gave the speech, and a few days later, one of the members of the PTA runs into the wife while shopping, and said, "Mary, your husband gave the most wonderful talk to the PTA the other day. You should be very proud of that man!"

The wife stared at her and said, "I don't understand. George hardly knows anything about it. He only tried it twice in his life, and once he got motion sickness and the second time his hat blew off...."




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wow


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My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn.

I told her, I love my car but I still watch Formula 1 too.

She was happy with this analogy - I just never mentioned I also go to Hertz for the occasional rental.

this one is a bit on the brutal side but it's one of my favourite Doug Stanhope jokes...


A man is having sex with his girlfriend and he yells out:

Boyfriend: I want to fuck you in the tits! I want to fuck you in the tits!

Girlfriend: yeah, but how are you going to make it feel good for me???

Boyfriend: Right before I come I'll stop punching you in the face!!

Fris this joke is great, will share it now :)

Respect to Fris but he can't claim it as his own.

This was up the other day on the best jokes website in the world sickipedia.org. all you'll ever need.

Yo muma so dumb she sits on the tv and watches the sofa

HAR! HAR! HAR!

Did you laugh?

A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a white wine. All the locals sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

The guy says, “No, I’m from Nebraska .”

The bartender says, “What do you do in Nebraska?”

The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”

The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”

“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.”

The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”

three guys are running down the street

first two run into a bar

third one ducks!

Pah-Doom-Pah!

Mushroom walks into a bar

Bartender shouts "Git outta here, we dont serve your kind!"

Musharoom says "why not... Imma Fun-Guy!"

Pah-Doom-Pah

never said it was mine.

One morning in Africa I shot an elephant in my pajamas

how he got in them I'll never know!

Pah-Doom-Pah :GFYBand



Bless you Groucho, you are well missed ...tear

There are 2 old Jewish guys walking down the street talking. They come across one of those born again churches in a store front. In the window it says "$100 dollars to anyone who converts"

One man says the the other, "I'm gonna do it"

His friend tells him "You are 82 years old. You have been Jewish all of your life. Do you really need $100 that bad?"

The man says "I'm gonna go in, wait for me here"

The guys goes in. His friend is patiently waiting on the street for him. About an hour later, the man comes out.

The friend waiting says "Did you get the $100?"

The man who went in says "Is that all you people think about?"

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus?

A: I don't know but I bet it can pick the fuck out of some fruit!