Would you date someone who has a kid that is an obnoxious little shit?
 

A buddy of mine was married for about 7 years. About 1.5 years ago he got divorced. He has no kids of his own. He has dated a few women since, but started seeing this one a little more seriously recently. She seems nice (I have only met her a couple of times), has a good job and is pretty. Her problem is that she has a 9 year old daughter that is an obnoxious little shit. The kid is the only grandchild in the family so she is supremely spoiled, she has no respect for anyone or anything and runs that house. One of the times I was around this woman was recently at a birthday get together and she left early because her daughter didn't want to share toys with other kids and told her mom if she was going to have to share they should go leave and go home, so that is what they did.

My buddy says that she tells him she isn't looking for a daddy for this kid, but if he gets involved seriously with her, he is going to be involved with the kid, there is no way around it. I told him to run for the hills that this is either just going to end badly or he is going to end up stuck in a situation where he is miserable.

What do you think? Would something like this be a deal breaker for you?

depends on how serious he is about the relationship right?

all kids go through phases, nothing like that is permanent.

At the point the child is around both people, there needs to be a guideline established that the male can start to impose some rules and punishments to create order.. and they need to be followed through on.. Kids can ruin a relationship easily.. Ultimately the mother has the say so since it is her child, but there has to be some shared "parenting" because in the end if they get married they'll both be parenting 24/7 until that kid moves out.. It must be mutual..

No i would not.

There's only one thing i can't stand in life: spoiled kids...

Same here. and I am godfather of one

put the kid up for adoption. the end.

sometime you dont know what you have until you lose it.

NOPE :2 cents:

I'd be ok with it because it'd be clear as all hell that there'll be 2 options depending on the womans wishes. 1, I'm not to play parent in which case I'm not going to put up with shit from a child. 2, I'm going to play parent in which case I'm utterly not going to put up with that sort of shit from the child I'm parenting.

He should lay it on the line in some similar fashion I'd suggest.

A friend of mine suggested a similar thing to him. She suggested that he sit down with this woman and explains to her exactly what he will or will not do as far as parenting her and what his expectations are. He said he was considering it and needed to really think about it. His worry is that if he lays down the law she will leave him. I told him that is part of deal. If she is going to leave him because of this it doesn't bode well for the future.

I made a least of what I reached in a woman and in a relationship. Two items on my list were:

No fucked up kids.
No fucked up moms.

Sticking to what I knew I wanted rather than settling, after a LOT of dating I found a wonderful woman. I never that I could actually have a relationship like what my wife and I have.

They go through phases until they learn correction. Odds are mommy isn't going to correct her little angel.

The kid already runs moms life. Mom finds a way right now to be with this guy just because she wants to and it's early. The desire to go through all the hassle to be with the guy will soon fade and everything will crash and burn.

Kid is a parasite and mom is the host. I say run fast.

I would just get her to come to my place and get a babysitter

Kids are kids. Nothing more.

Far too many adults run away from spoiled kids when all that is needed is to define clear boundaries well before all hell breaks loose.

One ex used to call me when she was unable to get her boy to calm down. All that I had done over time was to gain the kid's trust, while letting him know that I was the adult. The reality simply was that he was bored out of his mind and knew that his mom would give him anything he wanted just to shut him up. He needed structure and guidance. That's it.

She clearly wasn't parent material, so in my eyes she definitely wasn't wife material. We lost touch a while back, but I hope she at least picked up a few tips on how to deal with him.

If your friend is serious about this woman, then he has to firstly figure out what exactly the mother and others in the family are doing to encourage this child's behaviour. Then he has to figure out how cognizant this child is regarding the way she acts. Some kids are pretty sharp about whom they can manipulate. Let them know that you're onto them and they often won't play the same game with or around you.

This is where a daddy would step in and lay some ground rules for the kid. Unfortunately most ground rules are set when the kid is like 2 or 3 yrs old.

Myself and a few friends were shocked by her at the birthday party. There were a decent number of people there, several of whom had had kids. Many of the similar aged kids were upstairs playing. This woman's daughter comes down and is pissed because she was told by another kid to share a toy. He mom tries to explain that she needs to share, that there are other kids and plenty of different things for them to do. The kid snarls and looks at her then says, "If I have to share, I want to go home!" So her mom takes her by the arm and leads her into the next room. We all assume this is where the smackdown is going to take place. A few minutes later the woman comes back, looks at my buddy and asks he can grab their coats and drive them home. He asks if everything is okay and she says, "Well, she's not going to share and I don't want to fight with her, she will just throw a fit so it is best if we just go home." So they left.

I was pretty shocked. To me that was a major red flag.

My kid is real laid back, so much that I often forget how other kids can be. I once dated a girl who's kid was an absolute tasmanian devil. Never again. Life is too short for that kind of shit.

I think that is part of it for me as well. I don't have kids, but for the most part my brother's and my friend's kids are all pretty chill and well behaved so you get used to it and even a little spoiled.

I lost you are "Has a Kid" from that point on my answer becomes NO

He should only continue with the relationship if he is happy supporting her child. No matter what she says, thats what will happen in the end.

Agreed, he better run like hell:thumbsup

If the woman can't control her kids is she really a woman worth more than a fuck? Probably not, move on

:2 cents:

:1orglaugh

Dump that bitch, single mothers are bad news, men should not date single mothers.

I just read the original post...

It's not hard to control a 9 year old if you establish boundries. At 9 children want to learn... it's much more effective to teach them the ropes. Take a walk with them... bring them to the park.

Beat them up at the park?

No seriously... he needs to talk to the mom about the daughter, if she's willing to listen then they have a future. If not, get the fuck out.

It is sad to see spoiled kids. I blame the parents yet who knows...

kane. seems like you are reading a lot out of 1 story. in a spot where mom & kid is at a party, it is perfectly understandable if mom does not want to turn her daughters stubornness into a public spat.

assuming the child is spoiled beyond your 1 story, there's still not a clear cut answer. its all about your friends temperament, & whether he can accept mom for how she raises her daughter.

The issue isn't that the family left one party. The issue is that the concept even exists. Everybody leaves a party, no big deal. If your kid is so bad that you know you will save yourself embarrassment by leaving a party, it only goes downhill from there.

Tells you that the mother is the root of the problem and should be avoided at all cost.

Theres plenty of woman without kids i wld date those

If the mother took the little brat home and then put her in timeout or give her a good spanking then, leaving the party could be affective.

But if she simply said go upstairs and play then, there clearly is an issue (blaming the mother) not the kid!

Iv'e been in a relationship with mother and child and if the mother didn't support what I said to the kid and support the follow through from the very beginning then it simply won't work!

It's so sad that so many kids are growing up without a male figure. males have simply become weak and pussified. It's ok to cry!....fuck you get out there and shovel the shit against the tied like I told you!

I would recommend a fuck buddy style, so nothing serious with that babe, just fucking...

It's a deal breaker for me.

Before I met my wife I was dating a chick with a nine year old kid. She was wonderful, hot, kinky, and loved to have sex in crazy places. She also hated being a parent and did her best to get out of any parental responsibilities of any kind. At the same time, I've always liked kid and I was slowly moving in and becoming the father figure. The kid was good enough I guess. But I was loosing interest in the wife and only sticking around because I felt sorry for the kid. Eventually I bailed.

The truth is I don't think I had it in me at that time to love someone else's kid and deal with all of the baggage and crap that comes with it.

Oddly enough the kid hit me up on Facebook last year to see how I was doing.

Shame Michael Jackson is no longer around, you could've fed her to the king of pop.

No more of that, thank you very much Dr. Conrad Murray.

Still, there is always a very closeted Chris Hansen. That guy is going to get soooooo busted one day, probably via something stupid like taking his laptop in for repair.

"Would you date someone who has a kid...?" I stop reading the question.
NO.

I was that bratty 9 year old kid to my step father lol

He beat me a good a few times but kinda deserved it.

It also came back full circle too. I dated this girl eerrr just had sex but her kid was a total shit too.

I just bailed after a few romps....late!

you guys are a bunch of seinfelds. the slightest whif of stress & your out the door. Date the mom for who she is, not her kid. The kid might grow up, & everyone will live happily ever after.

Name one kid that is not a pain in the ass sometimes.

Mom can't be a proper parent = damaged goods, not worth your time.
Mom allows the kid to run her life, she will want to let her run your life too.
Completely ruining the kid in the process.