Banned from Target
 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!



15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Ya'll are in Target wayyyyyyy to often.

Thank you I needed a good belly laugh. today.

Dunno i lold!

awesome!

I was in Target a few months ago with my kid and her friend, and we were playing hide and seek. They would hide, send me a text, and then I had to find them. They got stuck behind wall of boxes of Christmas trees.

I've been kicked out of Wal Mart for playing football.

The letter looked like a segue to a Jim Carrey movie (or somebody more funny.)

Har har,some of those were hilarious

My daughters and me always play what we call the Target game when we go. The way it works is you get 1point for every item you put in someone elses cart without them catching you, its fun but alot harder then you think...:winkwink:

Old joke.....

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

This i'll be trying next time i'm at target!

LOL like this one :thumbsup

June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Damn that was good... thanks for the laffs!!!

:D

lol thats great!!

I Love it, very funny indeed.

Lollllll

:1orglaugh

They sell guns in Target ? That's disturbing.

Hence the name and logo :)

I have been doing a number of those since high school.

Been kicked out of Wal Mart, Costco, Sams and many others.

Thank YOU... I needed the laugh.

Lol -- lol

No, they dont.

Bahahahahahahaha

shit that is funny

me too, but just a little :winkwink:

:thumbsup still good though. I prefer the, "things to do at walmart" version.

That might be the funniest shit I've ever read off the internets. I don't even know what that was, but it was some brilliant comedy writing if its not real.

Yeah that is good writing. Be awesome if some nutjob actually would do all that stuff in a summer.

Maybe videotape it for some comedy show.

Or see how many you could get away with. :) Great new show!

good one :)

Good to hear. Way too many of those things in this world.

that made my day. lol

Yeah I dont know how Target got to be so popular.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh Thanks, I really need a laugh.

mmmm, dats good copy pasta.

what a bitch Mr. Harris is. Maybe he should grow some balls and say 'no' when his wife asks him to go with her instead of wasting his time.

i like condom joke, must try that by my self :D

No guns at Target
 

Targets have neither gun or auto repair departments.
Letter sounds like creative writing.

However, my GF once flashed me in the aisle next to the cash registers. Bet the security boys kept a copy of that tape. Target was easy, she once flashed me at the airport at Christmas. Thought we were going to get busted and spend forever in prison.