Clients From Hell :::
 

Just found this: http://clientsfromhell.net/

Pretty funny shit there :1orglaugh

LOL! :thumbsup

Nice find!

Some good ones in there:thumbsup

"The website looks great on my screen, but I want to come in to see it in person before I sign off."

I like his thinking :)
Me: That will cost you one hour of work.

Client: Can you charge us for 30 minutes?

Me: No, the minimum charge is for one hour.

Client: OK, no problem. Charge us for one hour, but add a 50% discount.

Client: Hey, I want to cancel the project so If you could just give me a full refund of my non-refundable deposit and we’ll both go our separate ways

ME: I’m afraid the non-refundable deposit can’t be returned.

CLIENT: What? Why?

ME: It’s non-refundable.

CLIENT: Well I didn’t know that!

"I’ve decided on the photos that I would like you to use on the website. They are attached to this email. Please send them back when you’re finished as they are my only copies. Thanks!"

CLIENT: I did this document in MS Word. I need you to scan the document, convert it to a PDF, and then email it back to me.

He then handed me an 18-page document.

"Can you design our website so it prints in landscape format?"

"Please block all Chinese IPs. And make the text extra small, just in case any get through the firewall."

:1orglaugh

I can relate to the client there actually.

"I’ve decided on the photos that I would like you to use on the website. They are attached to this email. Please send them back when you’re finished as they are my only copies. Thanks!"

Most people I've worked for are idiots. That's why I've been focusing on generating residual income streams. I can't have one more dingbat tell me not to use a certain color in their entire video, and then change their mind right before the deadline.

"We would like you to manage our website. We’ve previously had a dream weaver to do it, but he has started college and is too busy to work on it."


lol

Client: I’m looking for VERY edgy photos for my wedding. Should be an all day job, with 6 hours of posed photos with the wedding party. I’ll need a DVD of all of the edited photos in high resolution and you will be compensated $150. I may also be willing to let you do a ‘Trash the Dress’ shoot with me the next day.

In response, I sent a a short (but polite) email stating I could not meet the requirements at the quoted rate.

Client: Look asshole, I know how the business works. I’ve been a wedding photographer for 15 years, and I make over $8000 a day.

yep, really funny shut

My Client form Hell
 

Since I know my city so well, I have a couple of guys who pay me to find investment houses for them. One is my girl-friends bother. Just found him a $18,000 house he could fix a few windows and double his money in a month or two. He doesn't want the house as it has "no charm."
I know $18,000 sounds like nothing, but house prices here are nothing compared to other places. I looked at some houses in Newark New Jersey going for $500K.+
You could buy here for way less than $100K and much better neighborhoods.

Found him one with an easy $50K profit and he didn't even bother to go look at it.

Worst part, he calls every day demanding I find him a house to buy.

used to work at customer support for years.. there's some REALLY tough shit going on in some people's mind ;)

funny stuff

I was at the airport, ready to leave for vacation when I got a panicked phone call from a client. She stated that the video I sent her - part of a large marketing campaign - was missing the sound. After a lot of shouting and threats on her part, I agreed to go to her office try and fix it.

After being escorted into her office, I played the video and double-checked her computer’s sound options. Then I unplugged her headphones. Then I billed her for my missed flight.

I remember one where ciient denied to pay because invoice had number 666 and that was against his religious believes.

man, i had a client like that... i quit my job and became self employed

i now have the freedom of turning people down i dont like or cant deal with - and i have done this 2 or 3 times over the last years

wow ....

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

Some of these have got to be fake or exaggerated. I simply cannot believe people are this stupid.

perhaps slightly exaggerated but anyone who deals with clients in any way knows that some are easy and wonderful, yet some are shall we say,... a challenge? hehe

I lol'ed...

People ARE THAT Stupid
 

I worked for a company that was owned by another company. Our Accountant came over one day and we were discussing a factory we had out in the middle of nowhere. She said the phone lines wouldn't support the Internet. I said how about Satellite Internet (I know it's crappy, but better than nothing). She responded "How do you run a wire?"
Granted this when Hughes & Direct TV were just getting started , but she must have seen a few of those big dishes in people's backyards.
There are people that FUCKING DUMB. Just amazed how they get where they do.

Also we called a federal agency for nonpayment. Seemed they sent the payment by wire, but she had NO CLUE what a wire transfer was. She saw the bank transaction and didn't tell us. Wouldn't have been too bad, but it was the F.B.I.

Half of my inbox could go on that site.......
A few days ago i had an amusing CFH.
"use rape graphic for bottons for BDSM"
Took me 5 mins to figure out he meant BUTTON and ROPE.

This one is good too:
After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.

Client: Why are you calling me?

Me: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.

Client: It’s even more than the last one!

Me: Yes. The contract you signed stated that I would add a late fee for payment.

Client: You mean I have to actually pay you? I thought you were joking!

Me: What on earth made you think that?

Client: You’re a freelancer!

Me: And…

Client: Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

lol, isn't he right?

You apparently don't read a lot of posts here on GFY then...
;-)

People ARE stupid in real life. Here is a true story that happened to me. Woman brought her home phone into our shop for repairs.

When I had a TV repair shop I sent a woman into a panic mode. We repaired her home phone and when she picked it up she asked if it works ok. I said, "It works fine, I just called my girlfriend in Germany and we talked for over 2 hours." She, with a straight face, insisted that when she gets her phone bill she will bring it in so I can pay her for the long distance call to Germany. She insisted she will not pay for that portion of the bill. Shows how stupid people can be at times. LOLOLOL

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh :1orglaugh


Client: Wait? I see the 24?x36? option, but below it also says centimeters on it! Where are the centimeters? I don?t see them. Do they make it bigger that 24?x36??

Me: No. We work with other countries and include metric measurements for them. It?s the same measurement.

Client: But these are entirely different numbers! What backwards countries do you guys work for?

Me: Canada, mostly.

Client: I thought they were civilized there!


:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

thats kind of typical... be from one of two countries that still uses inch, feet and yard but call the rest of the world backwards - lol

Me: The internet isn’t working - but don’t worry, we’ve called to get it sorted and they said it should be up in the next ten minutes.

Client: We’ll just e-mail in Outlook then.

Me: That’ll be down too.

Client: Fine! It’s unprofessional, but we’ll use Facebook.

Me: Do you understand what the internet is?

And here goes an hour of my day ...

My Fav?


:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

I had a client who paid over $10,000 to create a cam website. He had about 10 girls scheduled to work and yet when they would log in nobody would be there. He was bitching up a storm and I said, "build it and they will come" only works in the movies. As I told you before if you want your site to be successful, you'll need to get traffic to your website.

Spending all the money in the world on a fabulous website design won't do you any good if the site has no traffic.

The next day he decided to pay one of his models $50 an hour to sit in the free chat room of the website. Still the model made no money in tips or nobody invited her to a private. He called up pissed off again.

Again sir I told you, "build it and they will come" only works in the movies. If you want your website to be a success you must get traffic to that website. Hiring all the pretty girls in the world won't do you any good if there is nobody there to look at them.

He goes on and curses me out for a bit more, calling me a stupid idiot.

A few days later he pays a girl $1000 to do a special one hour show.

He calls me after cursing me out, somehow I'm a stupid idiot because not a single person showed up to watch this special show and he spent all this money for this girl to do this show.

Again I said sir, I don't know how to make this any clearer but the only way you site will be a success is if the site has traffic. Might I again suggest investing money in advertising for your new site or promoting the site through some of your other sites. You in some way need to let people know that the site is out there.

Just because you build it, people of the world don't automatically just know it is out there.

His response to me "You are a fucking moron. A fucking idiot would know how to make a site this great a success. Clearly you are an idiot and don't know what the fuck you are talking about."

About 3 months have gone by now and he still refuses to invest in advertising. He feels that just having the girls on the site is enough. Their real fans will find them and yet oddly the site has no traffic and he's shocked and surprised by this.

Where the pleasure is all yours

Yes. I hear you. I've turned down a couple of clients and it felt good. Sacking one felt even better.